Are You Having Bad Sex, or Just Conditioned to Accept It?
If you’ve ever walked away from sex feeling more confused than satisfied, more numb than lit up—this is for you.
Bad sex is everywhere. But most of us don’t call it that. We blame ourselves. We fake it. We go quiet. We convince ourselves it wasn’t that bad. And maybe it wasn’t—just familiar. Just expected.
But what if the reason you’re not enjoying sex isn’t because something’s wrong with you, but because everything around you taught you to settle?
For Gen Z women and femmes, navigating a world that feeds us lies about our bodies and worth, questioning the status quo is our birthright. Bad sex isn't just a bedroom issue; it's a societal one. This post will dismantle myths that have normalized bad sex, expose the gaps in our sex education, and guide you toward reclaiming your sexual autonomy.
The Reality of Bad Sex
This is what conditioning sounds like
You were raised on silence, shame, and a curriculum that never said the word pleasure.
You learned that saying no is awkward. That asking for something different is rude. That if you didn’t orgasm, it was probably your fault—or just “how it is for girls.”
You were taught to be desirable, not to desire.
You were taught to be good at sex. Not to feel good during it.
And so, you might be having sex that feels...
Like you’re watching from outside your body
Like a performance, not an experience
Like pressure to moan, please, finish fast
Like you’re enduring, not choosing
Like the other person’s pleasure matters more
Like there’s no room to pause, breathe, or speak up
Like you’re supposed to know what to do but no one ever taught you
Maybe you’ve never even asked yourself: Do I actually like this?
Maybe you’ve never had a space to say: I didn’t.
Most bad sex isn’t violent—it’s unexamined. And that’s the problem. We’ve normalized sex that doesn’t feel good. We’ve confused obligation with consent. We’ve built a culture where girls are expected to perform, and boys are never taught to ask.
If you’ve felt let down, disconnected, or uncertain—you’re not broken. You’re waking up.
So Why Might The Sex Be Bad
You're Performing, Not Experiencing
You were taught that sex is something you do for someone else, not something you feel for yourself.You're Prioritizing Their Pleasure Over Yours
You’re faking it, downplaying discomfort, or avoiding asking for what you actually want.You Never Learned Real Sex Ed
If you were taught abstinence-only, fear-based, or anatomy-light “sex ed,” you were set up to fail.You Don’t Feel Safe Saying No—or Saying More
If you’ve been conditioned to be agreeable or avoid conflict, it’s hard to advocate for your body in bed.You’re Disconnected From Your Own Body
Trauma, stress, or shame can cause you to disassociate or numb out during sex—emotionally or physically.You Think Pain is Normal (It’s Not)
You’ve been told “it’s supposed to hurt the first time” or that discomfort is part of being a woman.Your Partner Doesn’t Listen—or Doesn’t Care
You're with someone who sees sex as conquest, not connection—or isn’t curious about your experience.You Feel Rushed, Pressured, or Obligate
Even if you said yes, you might not have wanted to. Obligation sex is still bad sex.You’re Holding in Your Real Reactions
Moaning to please. Not moving the way you want. Hiding when something doesn’t feel right. That’s emotional labor, not intimacy.Your Worth is Tied to Being ‘Good’ at Sex
You might feel like your value is in being sexy or wanted—not in being fully present, empowered, and free.Nobody Talks About What You Want
Clitoral stimulation, lube, different pacing, emotional connection—if it’s not on the table, neither is good sex.Cultural Scripts Are Running the Show
Porn, purity culture, movies, patriarchy. Bad sex is often just uncritical sex—done by habit, not desire.
Most bad sex isn’t a personal failure. It’s a symptom of deeper cultural conditioning, misinformation, silence, and shame. The good news? You can unlearn all of it.
Let’s Take These Next Steps:
Journal about one sexual experience where you didn’t speak up—and what you wish you had said.
Practice saying “I don’t like that” or “Can we try ___ instead?” out loud, even if just to yourself.
Make a “want/yes/no/maybe” list for future intimacy—define it on your terms.
Unfollow one account that reinforces performative or toxic sex myths and replace it with a feminist sex educator.
The Truth Underneath It All
In a culture that rewards your silence, choosing to be honest—about your pleasure, your boundaries, your body—is an act of resistance.
You don’t have to keep accepting what you were taught.
You don’t have to keep pretending it’s fine.
You’re allowed to want more.
You’re allowed to say so.
And if you don’t know yet what you want—that’s okay too.
Curiosity is a start. Rage is a compass. You’re already on your way.
