Not a Buzzkill: Talking About STIs Without Shame
STIs are common. Shame shouldn’t be.
Let’s get one thing straight: getting an STI doesn’t mean you’re reckless, dirty, or broken. It means you’re a person with a body—and that body had sex. Cool.
What is broken? The culture of shame, silence, and stigma that turns basic health conversations into taboo territory. This post breaks down the outdated scripts around STIs and gives you real tools to talk about them—whether you’re disclosing, asking, or just trying to be more informed. No awkward energy, no judgment. Just facts, clarity, and care.
The STI Shame Script
STIs have been turned into punchlines, punishments, and plot twists for decades. But that’s not by accident—it’s the result of:
Purity culture & sexual moralism: You were probably taught that sex has consequences, and STIs are what you “get” if you’re “bad.”
Media fearmongering: Movies and memes treat STIs like horror stories, not health events.
Lack of inclusive sex ed: Most people didn’t get comprehensive, shame-free info about sexual health. Some didn’t get any at all.
Shame around STIs doesn’t fall on everyone equally. It disproportionately harms queer folks, sex workers, women and trans people, those with limited access to healthcare, and anyone who’s ever had—or will have—an STI. In other words: most of us.
STIs Are Extremely Common
Let’s drop some numbers:
1 in 2 sexually active people will get an STI by age 25
Herpes, HPV, and chlamydia are incredibly common—and often have no symptoms
You can get an STI even with condoms and barrier protection
Most STIs are treatable, many are manageable, and none define your worth
The truth? Stigma does more damage than the actual infections.
Now that we know getting an STI is a health event—not a moral failure.
We need a total reset. Here’s how we reframe the way we talk about STIs:
From fear → to facts
Knowledge is power. Get tested, learn your body, stay curious.
From shame → to self-care
Testing isn’t embarrassing—it’s responsible. Just like going to the dentist.
From burden → to mutual respect
Disclosure isn’t a confession. It’s an invitation to have a real, mutual conversation.
Say It Straight: STI Talk in Real Life
Before sex:
Use “I” language:
“I usually get tested every 3 months—how about you?”
Keep it casual, not accusatory.
Normalize the convo like you would with allergies, meds, or birth control.
If you’re disclosing a diagnosis:
Practice what you want to say ahead of time.
Be honest about your status and how you manage it.
If someone reacts poorly? That’s their work to do—not yours.
If someone discloses to you:
Listen. Don’t flinch.
Ask questions if needed—not to judge, but to understand.
Don’t treat their status like a reflection of their character.
Let’s break up with these outdated lies:
“You can always tell if someone has an STI” → Nope. Many have no symptoms.
“Only ‘promiscuous’ people get STIs” → Deeply slut-shamey and false.
“Condoms prevent everything” → Helpful, yes. Perfect, no.
“If you test negative, you’re totally in the clear” → Some STIs take time to show up. Stay on top of regular testing.
STI Care = Self-Respect, Not Scandal
Testing is not a scandal—it’s maintenance.
Treatment is not shameful—it’s smart.
Talking about your sexual health doesn’t kill the mood—it builds trust. And trust, let’s face it, is hot.
Resources to Stay Informed (Not Freaked Out)
Here are some places to get accurate, non-judgy info:
You don’t need to whisper about this stuff anymore. The more we normalize STI conversations, the safer and freer we all are.
