What are the most common mistakes people make with clitoral stimulation (too much pressure, no lube, going too fast, etc.), and how do I figure out what I personally like without feeling awkward or “performing”?

Q: What are the most common mistakes people make with clitoral stimulation (too much pressure, no lube, going too fast, etc.), and how do I figure out what I personally like without feeling awkward or “performing”?A: Most people go wrong with the clitoris by treating it like a doorbell: too fast, too hard, zero warm-up, and absolutely no lube. Common mistakes include attacking the glans directly before you’re aroused, using dry friction, copying porn moves, never checking in, and assuming what worked once will work every time.Figuring out what you like starts with solo exploration that feels like curiosity, not an audition. Use lube, go slow, and experiment around the hood, labia, and pubic area — not just the tip. Notice what your body does: tightening, pulsing, relaxing, or mentally checking out. Then, when you’re with a partner, guide them like you’re teaching them your favorite game, not grading them. Your pleasure is not a performance; it’s information.If you want a no-judgment space to rant about bad technique or ask what’s normal for your cycle and arousal, you can always talk it out with Gush.

Common clitoral stimulation mistakes and how to know what you like

The biggest clitoral stimulation mistakes

Let’s drag the top offenders:1. Going straight for the glans- If you’re not fully aroused, the glans (the visible tip) can feel like an exposed nerve.- People who poke, rub, or flick it aggressively at the start usually mean well but end up causing discomfort or numbness.2. No warm-up- The clitoris engorges with blood during arousal, just like a penis.- If someone goes from zero to jackhammer, your body hasn’t had time to catch up — physically or mentally.3. Dry friction- Your natural lubrication changes across your cycle and can be low from stress, meds, or birth control.- Rubbing a dry clit with a dry hand? Recipe for irritation.4. Too fast, too hard, no variation- Many people copy porn: super-fast rubbing right on the tip.- Real clits usually prefer building up slowly, finding the right rhythm, and staying there.5. Ignoring feedback- Freezing up, pulling away, or going quiet are feedback.- If a partner doesn’t respond to you tensing up or moving their hand, that’s not a you problem.

How your cycle changes what your clit can handle

Your menstrual cycle is basically a built-in settings menu for your arousal and sensitivity.Menstrual phase- Bleeding, cramps, lower hormones.- You might feel more sensitive, crampy, or just over it.- Orgasms can help cramps for some; others need super gentle, well-lubed touch.Follicular phase- Rising estrogen means better blood flow, more natural lube, and often higher libido.- Your clit may respond faster and tolerate more direct touch.Ovulation- Peak estrogen and a testosterone bump can mean highest desire.- Lubrication is typically best, and you may enjoy more pressure or intense stimulation.Luteal (PMS) phase- Progesterone-heavy, mood swings, bloating, breast tenderness.- Your clit and nipples can feel either super sensitive or meh.- You might want slower, deeper, less focused stimulation — or none at all.If your cycle is irregular, extremely painful, or you’re on hormonal birth control, your pattern may look totally different. That doesn’t make you abnormal; it just means you’re not going to match the textbook version. If you want help mapping your actual lived pattern, Gush can help you put the puzzle pieces together.

Lube: non-negotiable, not optional

Clitoral tissue is delicate. Friction without glide can cause:- Micro-tears.- Burning sensation after sex or masturbation.- Long-term irritation that makes you less excited to be touched at all.Why lube matters more at certain times:- Late luteal and early menstrual phases: lower estrogen often means more dryness.- On hormonal birth control: your body’s natural lubrication can be decreased.- Under stress, sleep-deprived, or dehydrated: your body prioritizes survival, not lubrication.Use a good water-based or silicone lube and use more than you think you need. Reapply if things start to feel sticky or draggy. Your clit will thank you.

How to explore what you actually like (without performing)

Solo time is not an audition for a future partner. It’s literally research.Try this:1. Set the vibe for you, not for the gaze.- No need for candlelit porn-scene energy unless you like it.- Phone away if it distracts you from your body.2. Start everywhere but the clit.- Inner thighs, hips, mons pubis, nipples.- Let your brain catch up so when you touch your clit, it’s not a jump scare.3. Touch around the clit first.- Stroke the labia.- Circle the hood.- Press gently above the clit where the shaft is.4. Layer in direct contact slowly.- Try up-and-down, side-to-side, or circular motions.- Change pressure: feather-light, medium, firm.- Adjust speed: painfully slow, moderate, then faster.5. Notice your body’s reactions.- Tightening or pulling away: too much.- Relaxing, warmth, pulsing: good signs.- Mentally zoning out: maybe bored, overwhelmed, or disconnected.Repeat this in different phases of your cycle and literally jot down notes in your phone if you want: what worked, what didn’t, what your mood was.

How hormones, meds, and health affect your preferences

Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone affect:- Blood flow to the clitoris.- Natural lubrication.- How quickly your brain and body sync up around arousal.Hormonal birth control can smooth out these rises and falls, sometimes dulling desire or sensation. Antidepressants can make it harder to reach orgasm even when stimulation is perfect.Also pay attention to:- Irregular or super heavy periods.- Chronic pain around the vulva or clit.- Burning, itching, or sharp pain with touch.Those are not “you’re just sensitive.” Those are “you might have something going on that deserves a doctor who takes you seriously.”

Translating your preferences with a partner (without performing)

Here’s how to keep your pleasure real, not performative:- Stay in your body, not in your face.You don’t owe exaggerated moans or pretty angles. Focus on sensation, not what you look like.- Use simple, direct language.- `Softer.`- `Stay right there.`- `More pressure.`- `Up a little / down a little.`- Guide their hand.Put your hand over theirs and move it the way you like. That’s not bossy; that’s collaborative.- Tell them that things change.- `Around my period I need more lube and gentler touch.`- `When I’m ovulating I can handle more pressure and direct stimulation.`If they take direction? Green flag. If they act like feedback ruins the vibe? That’s not a vibe worth preserving.

When clitoral discomfort is a health issue, not a technique issue

Talk to a provider if:- Your clit burns or aches for hours or days after stimulation.- Light touch feels like pain.- You’re constantly dealing with itching, discharge changes, or swelling.- You feel totally numb in the area, especially after a med or hormonal change.Conditions like vulvodynia, lichen sclerosus, chronic yeast infections, pelvic floor dysfunction, and endometriosis can all screw with pleasure. You’re not overreacting by wanting answers.Your clitoris is not fragile glass, but it also isn’t a punching bag. You’re allowed to be picky, curious, and vocal about what works — that’s not being “extra,” that’s having a nervous system and respecting it.