Are STIs only spread through penetrative sex?

STI Prevention and Tes...Myths and Misconceptions

1 Jan

Q: If we’re not having penetrative sex—like it’s just oral, grinding, or using hands/toys—can you still get an STI, and which ones are most likely?

A: Yes, you can absolutely get an STI without any penetrative sex. STIs are not loyal to penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus. They spread through fluids (semen, vaginal fluid, blood) and skin-to-skin contact.

From oral sex, the biggest risks are: gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2), syphilis, HPV, and (less commonly) HIV and hepatitis. From grinding/genital-to-genital contact, you can get skin-to-skin STIs like herpes, HPV, and syphilis, plus sometimes infections spread by fluids like trichomoniasis. From hands/fingers and sex toys, the risk is generally lower, but chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, and trich can still be passed if fluids are moved between genitals.

No penetration doesn’t mean no risk—it just shifts which STIs are most likely and how they spread.

Want to sanity-check your own situation in real time? Chat with Gush and talk through your cycle, symptoms, or whatever your body’s been yelling about.

Can you get an STI from oral sex, grinding, or using hands and sex toys?

STIs that can be passed through oral sex

Let’s start with oral, because the world loves to pretend it’s “safe” sex instead of just “lower risk.”

STIs that can be spread by giving or receiving oral sex include:

Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2) – Cold sores on the mouth can infect someone’s genitals, and genital herpes can infect someone’s mouth. Even with no visible sores, the virus can shed.
Gonorrhea – Oral can give you throat gonorrhea (pharyngeal gonorrhea) or pass it from throat to genitals and vice versa.
Chlamydia – Less common than gonorrhea in the throat, but it absolutely happens.
Syphilis – Spread through contact with a syphilis sore in the mouth or on the genitals.
HPV – Oral sex can spread strains that cause genital warts or increase risk of throat cancers over time.
HIV – Lower risk than unprotected penetrative sex, but risk goes up with sores, bleeding gums, or if semen/blood is swallowed.
Hepatitis B – Can spread through blood and some body fluids during oral.

The maddening part: many throat or genital infections are totally silent. No pain, no discharge, no clue. So “no symptoms” usually means “no idea,” not “no infection.”

Grinding, scissoring, and genital-to-genital contact without penetration

Dry humping/grinding with clothes on is very low risk—annoying for your jeans, but not for STIs.

Once clothes are off and it’s skin-on-skin (think: vulva-to-vulva, vulva-to-penis, or grinding with underwear out of the way), the risk jumps for skin-to-skin STIs:

Herpes – Spread from skin where the virus is shedding, even if sores aren’t obvious.
HPV – Passed through direct skin contact with infected areas.
Syphilis – If there’s a sore, contact can spread it.
Pubic lice (“crabs”) – If body hair is involved.

If there’s a lot of genital fluid and your vulvas are basically hugging, there’s also some risk for things like trichomoniasis and maybe even gonorrhea or chlamydia, especially if fluids get near the urethra or vagina.

Grinding feels “innocent,” so people often skip condoms, dental dams, or talking about testing—which is exactly how infections keep quietly circulating.

If your own experience doesn’t match any of this neatly, that’s normal. Bodies are messy and sex is not a textbook. Drag your questions into Gush for a personal breakdown of your risks, your cycle, and what testing makes sense.

Hands, fingering, and mutual masturbation

Hands are lower risk, but not magically clean. STIs don’t teleport; they hitch a ride on fluids.

You’re more likely to pass an STI with hands if:

There’s visible genital fluid on fingers, then those fingers go into another person’s vagina, anus, or mouth.
There are cuts, hangnails, or broken skin on hands.
You’re dealing with active sores (herpes, syphilis, warts) and touching them.

Possible (though less common) hand-related transmission:

Gonorrhea and chlamydia – If infected fluids get from one person’s genitals or anus directly into another’s.
Herpes and HPV – If fingers touch sores or infected skin, then someone else’s genitals.
Trichomoniasis – From moving infected vaginal fluid between partners.

Is mutual masturbation safer than penetrative sex? Yes. Is it risk-free? No.

Washing hands with soap and water between partners and avoiding touching sores or irritated skin cuts the risk way down.

Sex toys and STIs: what you need to know

Even though sex toys are covered more deeply in the next question, here’s the short version:

Sex toys can absolutely pass STIs if:

They go from one person’s genitals to another’s without cleaning or a new condom.
They’re used in the vagina and then in the anus (or vice versa) without cleaning.

Fluids that can carry infection—vaginal fluid, semen, blood, rectal mucus—can sit on toys, especially porous ones (jelly, rubber, some cheaper “silicone”). Then those fluids get delivered directly to someone else’s vaginal or anal canal.

Infections that can ride along on toys:

Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Trichomoniasis
Possibly herpes and HPV
Bacterial vaginosis and yeast (not technically STIs, but can be passed between vulvas)

Condoms on toys + washing with soap and water between people and between holes = way less drama.

How your menstrual cycle and hormones affect STI risk

Your cycle impacts:

How much fluid is around to carry STIs.
How likely you are to want sex.
How vulnerable your cervix and vaginal tissue might be.

Quick hormone + cycle breakdown:

Menstrual phase (bleeding): Estrogen and progesterone are low. The cervix is slightly more open to let blood out, and there’s a lot of fluid (blood + mucus). If you’re having oral, grinding, or toy play during your period, there’s more biological “stuff” for infections (STIs or hepatitis) to travel in. If you have cramps and skip condoms/barriers because you’re tired and just want to get off, risk can quietly go up.
Follicular phase (after your period, leading up to ovulation): Estrogen rises. Cervical mucus starts to thin and increase—your body’s prepping for sperm. This can also mean more slippery grinding and oral, which is fun but also means more fluid to share. Libido usually starts climbing here.
Ovulation: Estrogen peaks, luteinizing hormone (LH) spikes, and cervical mucus becomes egg-white stretchy—perfect for sperm, and unfortunately, pretty good for pathogens too. This is when many people feel extra horny, take more sexual risks, or add partners. If you’re skipping barriers, this is a high-exposure window.
Luteal phase (after ovulation until your period): Progesterone dominates, mucus usually thickens, and some people feel dry or irritated. PMS can show up as bloating, mood swings, and sensitivity. Dryness + rough grinding, fingers, or toys can cause microtears in the vaginal tissue and vulva, which can make STI transmission easier even without penetration.

Birth control, irregular cycles, and when to get checked

Hormonal birth control (pill, patch, ring, hormonal IUD):

Flattens the natural hormone rollercoaster.
Can make bleeding lighter or irregular.
Sometimes causes vaginal dryness, which can lead to microtears.

None of that protects you from STIs. It just stops pregnancy. You can be having “withdrawal bleeds” on the pill and still be catching or passing chlamydia.

Irregular cycles (PCOS, stress, weight changes, intense workouts, etc.) mean your bleeding pattern is unpredictable—but your STI risk still comes down to exposure and protection, not what day of your cycle you’re on.

Testing guidelines if you’re doing oral, grinding, and toy/hand play:

At least once a year if you’re sexually active with anyone.
Every 3–6 months if you have multiple partners, new partners, or you’re not consistently using barriers.
After any situation where someone else’s bodily fluids ended up near or inside your genitals, mouth, or anus and you’re stressed about it.

Ask for:

Urine or vaginal swab for chlamydia and gonorrhea.
Blood tests for HIV, syphilis, hepatitis (depending on risk).
Throat and/or rectal swabs if you do oral or anal.

You deserve sex that’s hot and informed. That means knowing STIs don’t care whether there was penetration—they care whether there was contact.

Q: How risky is it to share sex toys (even with condoms on them) or do stuff like mutual masturbation—do you actually need to sanitize between people every time?

A: Yes, sharing sex toys can spread STIs, even with condoms—especially if you’re not changing the condom or cleaning the toy between people. Anything that carries genital fluids (vaginal fluid, semen, blood, rectal mucus) can carry infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and sometimes herpes, HPV, and hepatitis.

Condoms on toys only help if you:

Use a fresh condom for each person.
Change condoms when switching between vagina and anus.

Mutual masturbation (hands only) is lower risk, but not zero if fluids are being spread from one set of genitals to another.

Sanitizing or washing toys between users isn’t “extra.” It’s basic sex hygiene. Think of it like washing a fork before someone else eats off it—except your vagina is not replaceable.

Want to unpack your own habits without judgment? Chat with Gush and walk through your toys, your cycle, and your risk level like you’re doing a vibe check, not a confession.

How risky is sharing sex toys and mutual masturbation for STIs?

How STIs spread through sex toys

Sex toys become risky when they act like a shuttle bus for body fluids.

Fluids that can carry infection:

Vaginal discharge
Semen/pre-cum
Blood (including period blood)
Rectal mucus

Infections that can ride those fluids:

Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Trichomoniasis
Sometimes herpes and HPV (via skin cells and mucus)
Hepatitis B (less common, but possible if blood is involved)
Bacterial vaginosis and yeast (again, not STIs, but they can absolutely be shared between vulvas)

If a toy goes from one person’s vagina or anus to another’s without cleaning or a new condom, you’ve basically done unprotected sex—just with silicone, glass, or plastic in the middle.

Condoms on toys: what actually makes them work

Condoms on toys are only as good as how you use them.

Best practices:

Use a condom on any toy you’re sharing between people.
Switch to a fresh condom when changing from vagina to anus or anus to vagina.
Change condoms between partners, every single time.
Remove the condom carefully so fluids don’t drip onto your hands or other surfaces.

What doesn’t work:

Using the same condom on a toy for two people.
Wiping the condom and calling it “clean.”
Reusing condoms (yes, people try this; no, do not do it).

If your toy has a lot of texture, ridges, or is made from a porous material, condoms are extra important, because those surfaces hold onto fluids.

If your situation or toy stash doesn’t fit tidily into these rules, that’s okay—you’re not doing sex “wrong.” Bring the real details (what you use, how you use it, where you’re at in your cycle) to Gush and get a tailored, non-judgy game plan.

How to clean sex toys to prevent STIs

You don’t have to run a sterile lab. You do need basic hygiene.

General rule: Clean toys before and after use, and always between users.

Common materials and what to do:

Non-porous silicone, stainless steel, glass (without cracks): Wash with warm water and unscented soap, rinse well, and let air dry. Many of these can also be boiled for a few minutes or cleaned with a 10% bleach solution (if the manufacturer says it’s safe).
Porous toys (jelly rubber, certain “skin-like” materials): These can never be fully disinfected. Wash with soap and water, but treat them as higher-risk and always use a condom if sharing.
Vibrators and toys with motors: Check if they’re waterproof. If not, keep water away from battery compartments and charge ports. Use toy cleaner or soap and a damp cloth, then wipe down.

Cleaning between people isn’t “over the top”; it’s respect—for your body and theirs.

Mutual masturbation: hands, fingers, and STI risk

Mutual masturbation is generally lower risk than oral or penetrative sex, but that doesn’t mean zero.

Risks go up when:

There’s visible genital fluid on hands, then those same fingers go inside another person.
There are cuts, hangnails, eczema, or broken skin on fingers/hands.
Someone has sores (herpes, warts, syphilis) on their genitals or hands.

You can lower risk by:

Washing hands with soap and water before and after.
Using gloves or finger cots if one of you has cuts or is worried about exposure.
Avoiding touching open sores, rashes, or areas that burn/itch.

Hands aren’t “dirty” or “clean” by default. They’re just tools. It’s what’s on them that matters.

How your cycle and hormones affect toy/hand STI risk

Your menstrual cycle can literally change the “texture” and amount of fluid on your vulva and in your vagina—which affects both pleasure and STI risk.

Menstrual phase: There’s blood + cervical mucus. Blood can carry STIs like HIV and hepatitis B, and the cervix may be slightly more open. Toys or hands used while you’re bleeding can pick up more fluid, so cleaning and condoms are crucial if sharing.
Follicular phase: Rising estrogen = more lubrication and thinner cervical mucus. More slippery fun, more fluid to move between people if you’re sharing toys.
Ovulation: Peak estrogen and LH = very stretchy, egg-white cervical mucus. You might be more turned on, add partners, or push boundaries with protection. There’s a lot of fluid, which is great for pleasure and for transporting infections.
Luteal phase: Progesterone rises. Some people feel drier, more sensitive, or get vaginal pH shifts before their period. Dryness + rough toy use can lead to microtears, making it easier for STIs or BV/yeast to take hold.

Hormonal birth control can:

Flatten your hormonal highs and lows.
Make bleeding lighter or irregular.
Sometimes cause more dryness or discharge changes.

That might change how toys feel, how often you have sex, or how easily you get tears—but it doesn’t block STIs. Ever.

When to get tested after sharing toys or mutual masturbation

Consider getting tested if:

You shared toys without condoms or cleaning between partners.
You find out a partner has an STI.
You notice new discharge, odor, itching, burning, spotting, or pain after toy play.

Typical STI testing windows:

Chlamydia/gonorrhea: Around 1–2 weeks after exposure.
Trichomoniasis: 1–4 weeks.
HIV: Many modern tests detect most infections by 2–4 weeks, and nearly all by 3 months.
Syphilis: 3–6 weeks for antibodies to show.

You’re not “high maintenance” for wanting clean toys and regular tests. You’re just refusing to treat your body like it’s disposable.

Q: If neither of us has symptoms and we’re both on the same page, do we still need condoms/dental dams for oral, and how often should we be getting tested in that case?

A: Yes, condoms and dental dams still matter for oral sex, even if neither of you has symptoms and you’re “on the same page.” Most STIs are sneaky—chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, and even syphilis can be present with zero symptoms and still spread through oral.

Being on the same page emotionally is great. Being on the same page medically means:

You both get tested regularly.
You know what areas were tested (genitals only, or also throat/rectum).
You make an actual decision about barriers, not just vibes.

Testing frequency:

At least once a year if you’re sexually active.
Every 3–6 months if you have new/multiple partners or skip barriers for oral.

No symptoms ≠ no infection. It just means your body isn’t throwing up obvious flags yet.

Want help figuring out what testing timeline fits your actual sex life, not some abstinence-only fantasy? Chat with Gush and map out a plan around your cycle, partners, and boundaries.

Do you really need condoms or dental dams for oral sex if you have no symptoms?

Why “no symptoms” doesn’t mean “no STIs”

STIs love to fly under the radar. A huge number of people with these infections feel totally fine:

Chlamydia: Up to 70–80% of vulva-owners have no symptoms.
Gonorrhea: Many throat infections are symptomless.
Herpes: You can shed virus even with no active sores.
HPV: Often completely silent until warts show up or abnormal Pap smears happen.
Syphilis: Early sores can be tiny, painless, and easy to miss.

So when two people say, “We’re clean, we don’t have symptoms,” what they often mean is, “We’ve never been told we have anything, and we haven’t looked very hard.”

Condoms and dental dams for oral don’t mean you don’t trust each other. They mean you understand how invisible this stuff can be.

What STIs can you get from oral sex?

Oral sex can transmit:

Gonorrhea – Throat, vagina, penis, or anus.
Chlamydia – Throat, genitals, or rectum.
Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2) – Mouth-to-genitals, genitals-to-mouth.
Syphilis – Through contact with sores in the mouth or on the genitals.
HPV – Strains that cause warts or increase cancer risk.
Hepatitis B – Via blood and some body fluids.
HIV – Lower risk than penetrative sex but still possible, especially with sores/bleeding.

Condoms on penises and flavored condoms/dental dams on vulvas and anuses cut that risk way down.

If your sex life or boundaries don’t fit this basic list (hello, queer sex, kink, multiple partners), bring the real mess to Gush so you can get advice that actually matches your reality.

How often should you get tested if you’re mostly doing oral?

Testing frequency should match your risk, not your relationship status on Instagram.

General guide:

Once a year: Minimum for anyone sexually active (oral, genital, or anal).
Every 3–6 months: If you have new or multiple partners, or you’re not consistently using condoms/dental dams for oral.
After a known exposure: If a partner tells you they have an STI, or you find out later.

Ask for:

Urine or vaginal swab: Chlamydia, gonorrhea.
Throat swab: If you give oral to penises, vulvas, or anuses.
Rectal swab: If you do anal play, even with toys.
Blood tests: HIV, syphilis, maybe hepatitis depending on risk.

Don’t leave the clinic assuming they checked everything—ask which body parts were actually tested.

How your cycle and hormones play into oral sex and STI risk

Your menstrual cycle affects your sex drive, your choices, and your physical vulnerability.

Menstrual phase: Low estrogen and progesterone. You might feel crampy and prefer oral or external stimulation only. Some people skip barriers for oral because “it’s just a quick thing” when they’re tired or in pain—this is where silent STIs keep spreading.
Follicular phase: Estrogen rising, energy and libido often higher. You may feel more social, more experimental, more likely to hook up. More partners + less barrier use = higher STI exposure, even if it’s mostly oral.
Ovulation: Peak estrogen and LH, high libido, fertile cervical mucus, and usually a confidence surge. This is often “risky behavior week”—last-minute hookups, new partners, or skipped condoms/dams because you’re in the moment.
Luteal phase: Progesterone takes over. PMS can mean mood dips, sensitivity, bloating. Some people crave comfort sex and are more likely to trust a regular partner and drop barriers even if they haven’t both been fully tested.

Hormonal birth control changes:

Your hormone pattern (flatter ups/downs).
Bleeding pattern (lighter or no periods).
Sometimes your libido.

But it does not block STIs from oral, or anywhere else.

Building your own barrier “rules” without killing the vibe

Instead of all-or-nothing thinking (always use condoms/dams vs. never bother), build an actual strategy:

You might decide:

With new partners: Always use condoms/dental dams for oral until you’ve both tested and shared results.
With ongoing partners: Get tested every 3–6 months, then reassess barrier use together.
Non-negotiables: Condoms for any contact with semen, blood, or open cuts/sores.

You can also play with:

Flavored condoms for oral on penises.
DIY dental dams from condoms for vulva or anus oral.
Making barriers part of the kink/dirty talk instead of a buzzkill.

When to get checked ASAP:

You notice new discharge, sores, burning, or weird pelvic pain.
You find out a partner wasn’t honest about their testing or other partners.
You just have that gut feeling something’s off.

Your body is not a negotiation. If you want oral barriers and regular tests, that’s the standard. Anyone who argues with that is telling you exactly how little they respect your health.

People Often Ask

Can you get an STI from kissing or making out?

Kissing is lower risk than oral or genital sex, but some infections can still be passed mouth-to-mouth. Herpes (HSV-1) is the main one—cold sores spread through kissing, sharing drinks, or oral sex. If someone has an active sore (or is about to get one), the virus can shed and infect another person. Very rarely, advanced syphilis or other infections involving mouth sores could spread through deep kissing, especially if there’s blood, but that’s not the main way they’re transmitted.

Hormones and your cycle don’t change kissing risk much, but they can change how your lips feel—dry, cracked, or sensitive during your luteal/PMS phase, for example, which might make you more vulnerable to irritation.

If you’re kissing someone with visible sores, that’s your sign to pause or keep it neck-up until things heal.

Can you get an STI from dry humping with clothes on?

Dry humping with clothes or underwear fully covering the genitals is extremely low risk for STIs. Most infections need direct skin-to-skin or fluid-to-skin contact. A pair of leggings, underwear, or jeans is a solid barrier for things like chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and HIV.

The one tiny caveat: If clothes are very thin, soaked with genital fluids, or shifted so that bare skin is touching (even partially), the risk for skin-to-skin STIs like herpes or HPV goes up a bit—but it’s still lower than fully naked grinding.

Your cycle may influence how often you dry hump (you might be more turned on and touchy around ovulation), but it doesn’t magically make STIs pass through denim.

How long can STIs live on surfaces or sex toys?

Most STI-causing organisms don’t survive long on dry surfaces. They like warm, moist body environments. Chlamydia and gonorrhea, for example, usually die quickly outside the body, especially when fluids dry. HIV is very fragile in the environment.

But on sex toys that are still moist with semen, vaginal fluid, or blood—especially porous materials—some organisms can last long enough to infect the next person who uses the toy shortly after. That’s why washing toys with soap and water (or using condoms and changing them between people/holes) actually matters.

Your menstrual cycle can increase how much fluid ends up on toys (period blood, fertile mucus around ovulation), which is one more reason to clean them between users.

Do periods make you more likely to get or pass an STI?

During your period, hormone levels (estrogen and progesterone) are low, the cervix can be slightly more open to let blood out, and there’s more fluid present (blood + mucus). If you’re having sex—oral, grinding, toys, or penetration—while bleeding, there’s simply more biological material available to carry infections like HIV, hepatitis B, chlamydia, and gonorrhea.

Some people also ditch condoms during period sex because they’re not worried about pregnancy. That can quietly spike STI risk.

Across the cycle, ovulation is another high-risk behavior zone because libido and confidence often peak, and people are more likely to hook up or skip barriers. So it’s not that your period is cursed; it’s that hormones and bleeding change both your behavior and the environment STIs move through.

How soon after a risky hookup should I get tested?

Testing too early can give you a false sense of safety, because some infections take time to show up on tests. General timing:

Chlamydia/gonorrhea: Test around 1–2 weeks after exposure.
Trichomoniasis: About 1–4 weeks.
HIV: Many 4th-generation tests detect most cases by 2–4 weeks; a 3‑month test is considered conclusive.
Syphilis: 3–6 weeks for antibodies to appear.

If you get symptoms—burning, discharge, sores, pelvic pain—get checked right away, no matter the timeline.

You don’t have to play guessing games with Google and anxiety at 2 a.m. If you want to ask questions, unpack patterns, or just check if what you’re feeling is normal, slide into Gush and get honest, judgment-free help figuring out your next move.

Lauren Hanson