If one thing comes back “positive,” how do I tell my partner(s) without it turning into blame or drama—and do I need to stop sex completely until I retest/treat it?

Q: If one thing comes back “positive,” how do I tell my partner(s) without it turning into blame or drama—and do I need to stop sex completely until I retest/treat it?A: A positive STI result is not a moral failure; it’s a **data point**. You did the responsible thing by getting tested. Now the job is: get treated, protect your body, and have **direct, low-drama conversations** with partners.Most treatable STIs (like chlamydia, gonorrhea, trich) mean: **take meds and pause sex** until you and your partner(s) finish treatment and wait the recommended window (usually **7 days after last dose**). For chronic infections (like herpes or HIV), the goal is managing risk, not “never having sex again.”When you tell partners, keep it factual, short, and blame-free: what you tested positive for, that you’re getting treated, and that they should get tested too. Their reaction is about them, not your worth.If you want help scripting that text or untangling what to say out loud, you can literally copy-paste drafts to Gush and workshop it like you would with a best friend who actually knows sexual health.

How to tell a partner you tested positive for an STI and what to do about sex afterward

First: you are not “gross” or “irresponsible” for having an STI

Let’s kill the shame right now:- STIs are **infections**, not character traits.- They spread through **very normal behavior**: sex, oral, sharing toys.- The only reason they feel heavy is because our culture wraps sex in silence and blame—especially for women.The most responsible people are the ones who **get tested, get treated, and tell partners**. That’s you.

What “no sex” actually means for different STI positives

Here’s the breakdown for common infections and what to do about sex while you’re dealing with them.

Chlamydia and Gonorrhea

- **Treatment**: Usually a single-dose injection (for gonorrhea) plus oral antibiotics; or oral meds alone for chlamydia.- **Sex rules**:- No vaginal, anal, or oral sex- Don’t share sex toys (unless fully washed + condoms on them)- Wait **7 full days after you and your partner finish treatment** before resuming sex.- **Retest**: Often recommended at **3 months** to catch re-infection.

Trichomoniasis (trich)

- **Treatment**: Oral antibiotic (usually metronidazole or tinidazole).- **Sex rules**:- No sex until **at least 7 days after treatment**- Partners need treatment too, or you’ll just ping-pong it back and forth.

Genital Herpes (HSV-1 or HSV-2)

- **Treatment**: Antiviral meds (acyclovir, valacyclovir) during outbreaks; sometimes daily for suppression.- **Sex rules**:- Avoid sex when you have **active sores, tingling, or new symptoms**.- Condoms/dental dams help but don’t fully eliminate risk because herpes spreads via **skin-to-skin** contact in areas condoms don’t fully cover.Herpes is lifelong, but your sex life is absolutely not over. It just moves from "pretend nothing exists" to **informed consent and risk reduction**.

HPV (human papillomavirus)

- **Treatment**: There’s no pill that "kills" HPV, but your **immune system often clears it** on its own. Visible warts can be treated by freezing, creams, etc. Abnormal cells on Pap can be treated as needed.- **Sex rules**:- You don’t usually have to pause sex entirely, but condoms reduce transmission (not 100%).- Most sexually active adults have been exposed at some point. This is wildly common.

HIV

- **Treatment**: Daily antiretroviral therapy (ART).- **Sex rules**:- If you’re on treatment and reach **undetectable viral load**, you do **not** transmit HIV sexually (U=U: Undetectable = Untransmittable).- Until you’re stably undetectable, condoms + partner on **PrEP** if they’re HIV-negative gives major protection.If you’re staring at a new positive and wondering how this collides with your relationship, your future, or your body image, Gush can hold that whole messy conversation with you, no judgment.

How your menstrual cycle intersects with STI symptoms and timing

Your cycle doesn’t cause STIs, but it absolutely messes with how they **feel** and how you read your body.- **Menstrual phase**: Low estrogen and progesterone. Period blood can:- Make discharge look more dramatic- Irritate already inflamed tissue if you have an existing infection- Make cramps and pelvic pain from STIs feel worse or confusing- **Follicular phase**: Rising estrogen. Discharge becomes:- Creamy or milky as the uterine lining rebuilds- Easy to confuse with early infection discharge- **Ovulation**: Estrogen peaks, LH surge.- Discharge is watery, stretchy, egg-white-y- Sex drive spikes for many people- More sex at this time + fear of pregnancy + STI worry = brain spiral- **Luteal phase**: High progesterone.- Thicker discharge, maybe more irritation- Immune changes can let things like yeast or BV flare- PMS can make every twinge feel catastrophicIf you’re on hormonal birth control, your estrogen/progesterone rhythm is altered—often flatter—which can:- Change how much discharge you see- Blur your cycle phases- Make it harder to tell what’s “normal for you” vs infectionBut again: **STI tests don’t care about your cycle**. They measure bacteria, viruses, or antibodies directly.

How to actually tell a partner you’re positive—without chaos

You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotional immaturity, but you *are* responsible for communication.Guidelines:- **Be factual, not dramatic**- "I got my routine STI screen back and tested positive for chlamydia. I’m getting treated, and you should get tested and treated too."- **Avoid blame language**- Skip: "You gave this to me."- Try: "We’ve had sex, so you could have this too."- **Offer resources**- "Here’s the clinic I went to."- "They told me we shouldn’t have sex again until we both finish treatment and wait seven days."- **Use text if that feels safer**- You don’t owe everyone a face-to-face performance. Safety and emotional bandwidth matter.Example scripts:- Casual partner:"Hey, wanted to let you know I tested positive for gonorrhea from my last STI screen. I’m getting treated. Since we’ve hooked up, it’s important you get tested and treated too. They told me no sex again until we both finish meds and wait a week."- Main partner:"I got some STI results back and one was positive. I’m scared and also glad I know. I want us both to get treated and talk about what safer sex looks like for us going forward. Can we set a time to go over it?"Their reaction is data. If they flip it into accusing you, shaming you, or refusing to test, that’s a red flag about them, not your worth.

What if you don’t know who you got it from?

Real talk: **you often won’t know**.- Many STIs can be **silent for months**.- You or your partner(s) might have had it before you even met.- STI tests aren’t timestamped; they don’t say, "This started last Tuesday."So when you’re telling a partner:- Stay away from detective mode: "Who gave who what when?"- Anchor in facts: "We’ve both had past partners. What matters now is: we both get tested, treated, and move forward with more information."

When you can safely start having sex again

Use this cheat sheet:- **Chlamydia, gonorrhea, trich**:- After treatment, wait **7 days after your last dose** and make sure partners are treated too before unprotected sex.- **Herpes**:- Avoid sex during outbreaks or when you feel that warning tingle.- Daily suppressive meds + condoms reduce risk if you and your partner are okay with that level of risk.- **HIV**:- Work with your provider to start meds ASAP.- Once you’re **consistently undetectable**, you’re not transmitting HIV through sex.- **HPV**:- No universal "no sex" window. Focus on routine Pap/HPV follow-up and barrier use.And remember: "sex" isn’t just penetration. You can still be intimate—mutual masturbation, toys with condoms, making out, all the things—while you’re waiting out that treatment window.Owning your status, demanding respect, and insisting on safer sex is not drama. It’s self-respect in action.