How to Advocate for Your Needs When Your Doctor Won’t Listen
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve had a shitty experience at the doctor’s office.
Feeling ignored or dismissed by your doctor is something women experience every single day.
Gen Z women are navigating a world where their reproductive rights and bodily autonomy are constantly under scrutiny and attack. In these spaces, being heard can feel like a miracle when it needs to be the norm.
This post will arm you with the tools to advocate fiercely for your health, bust myths around common health conditioning, and connect your struggles to the collective empowerment of our community—because staying quiet and complacent is not an option if you want to stay alive.
Women’s History of Pain in Healthcare
Women’s voices have been sidelined in medicine for centuries. Women weren’t even required to be included as subjects in clinical trials until 1993, so it’s no wonder women have gone unheard and been misdiagnosed—or not diagnosed at all.
Whether it’s chronic pain, birth control side effects, or even signs of cancer, research shows that doctors consistently undermine or dismiss women’s pain and suffering. And, because of this, women avoid speaking up any further. It’s a lose-lose.
Some women have gone to great lengths to try and get what they need from their doctors, even when it’s exhausting and inconvenient. Some women routinely bring a male partner or friend to their appointments so they’re taken seriously. Some even women participate in “medical tourism,” flying across the globe to get the care they need.
That’s insane. You shouldn’t have to deal with this at all, and especially not alone.
If you’re frustrated, you can use it as fuel. We’ve found a few small but powerful ways you can make progress while feeling better throughout the process.
Challenge Conditioning with Confidence
The impact of cultural conditioning cannot be underestimated in how it shapes our beliefs and actions, especially in this context.
For example, women are conditioned to be "nice" above all else, but it’s usually at their own expense. What about being kind to yourself?
"Nice" can be a silencing burden that weighs you down. In what world is asking questions considered rude or disrespectful? This one, apparently—but that doesn’t mean it’s right.
Instead of having to be “nice,” focus on being “kind.” Kind is empowering. Kind is considerate. This is an important distinction to remember. Nice is surface-level, while kind is foundational. You can be kind and still be firm on what you need.
We’ve also been raised to believe that doctors always know best, no matter what. While they are certainly experts within health and medicine, you are the expert on your own body and know its nuances better than anyone.
Speaking up amid short-term discomfort for long-term satisfaction is the essence of radical candor. Practicing candor with persistence is an act of self-love and an investment in a better quality of life. Without it, every area of your life can become a liability, especially your health.
You should feel encouraged to challenge health professionals on their willingness to listen, take informed action, and advocate for you—not challenge their qualifications. Finding the right doctor for you may be a journey of trial and error, but having a mistrust of healthcare experts only creates more problems than it could ever solve.
The goal is to ask questions, demand proper support, and remain relentless until you fulfill your needs. The more you advocate for yourself when you feel dismissed or ignored, the better off you will be in every aspect when you step out of that office.
Your Health Advocacy Toolkit
Write down your high-level health priorities and needs. Clarity is your best friend. Know what you need before you even step into that office.
Practice your approach. Prepare questions and assertive statements. You will feel more confident in standing your ground when it feels like second nature.
Walk them through your experience. Putting them in your shoes can help make your advocacy more visceral and urgent. Your story and its details matter, especially the longevity or severity of the issues and pain you’ve been facing.
Leverage your network. Ask a trusted friend or connection for advice or physical support. There are people who care, but they can’t help you if they don’t know what you need—and if you don’t ask directly. They might be the ticket to new information or the perfect referral you’ve been seeking.
You are the subject matter expert on your own body. Find the right health partner and team to ensure you get the guidance, support, and results you deserve.
If you need inspiration, read some stories from our R.A.G.E. Community Rooms forum, where members have successfully advocated for themselves
At All the R.A.G.E., we transform silence into strength and anger into agency.
Challenge the status quo, because your health is worth the fight.
