Where exactly is the clitoris (like, the whole structure), and how does that connect to pleasure/orgasms—especially if penetration doesn’t really do it for me?

The clitoris isn’t just the tiny button you see—it’s a whole 3D structure shaped like a wishbone. The visible tip (the glans) sits at the top of your vulva under the hood. From there, the clitoral body extends inward, and two “legs” (crura) wrap around the vagina, with bulb-like tissue along each side of the vaginal opening.

Most of its 8,000+ nerve endings are in and around the external glans and internal bulbs, not deep in the vagina. That’s why penetration alone doesn’t usually get people off; only 15–20% of women orgasm from penetration without clitoral stimulation. You’re not broken—you’re wired normally. Orgasms are about clitoral stimulation (direct, indirect, or internal pressure), plus whatever your brain and body are into.

If penetration isn’t doing it and you want to experiment, vent, or just map things out, you can always chat with Gush and talk through what your body’s been trying to tell you.

Where is the clitoris and how does it relate to orgasm?

The full clitoris: more than a tiny button

Anatomy rundown:

• Glans – the visible “tip” at the top of your vulva. Extremely sensitive. Often partially covered by the clitoral hood.
• Clitoral hood – skin fold covering and protecting the glans. It can be snug or loose, both normal.
• Body (shaft) – extends back from the glans under the skin.
• Crura (legs) – two arms that go down and back along your pelvic bones, hugging the sides of the vagina.
• Vestibular bulbs – spongy erectile tissue that sit on each side of the vaginal opening.

So when you’re aroused, it’s not just the tip swelling—the whole clitoral complex engorges, making the area around the vaginal opening and front wall more sensitive to touch, rubbing, and pressure.

Why penetration alone rarely works

Most porn and a lot of partners act like “deep” penetration is the main event. Reality:

• The vagina itself has relatively few nerve endings deep inside. It’s designed for stretching, not intricate sensation.
• The most sensitive part of the vagina is the outer third—right where the clitoral bulbs sit.
• The clitoral glans and surrounding tissue have far more nerve endings than the vaginal canal.

That’s why many people need:

• Direct clitoral stimulation (fingers, tongue, toy).
• Indirect stimulation (rubbing against a partner, grinding, pressure on the pubic bone).
• Positions where the clit gets friction while penetration happens.

If penetration doesn’t do it for you on its own, that’s not a flaw—it’s standard-issue anatomy. The myth that you should orgasm “just from penetration” is patriarchal propaganda, not science.

If this breakdown still doesn’t fit how your body reacts, or if your arousal seems totally disconnected from touch, that’s something worth unpacking with a human. You can always bring your questions, confusion, or “wtf is my clit doing?” moments to Gush for a more personalized conversation.

How your menstrual cycle changes clitoral sensitivity and arousal

Your hormones are not just sabotaging your skin and mood—they’re messing with your horniness, sensitivity, and how easily you orgasm.

• Menstrual phase (bleeding):
  Hormones: Estrogen and progesterone are at their lowest.
  Effects: Some people feel crampy, bloated, and not remotely in the mood. Others find orgasms help relieve cramps because they increase blood flow and trigger uterine contractions in a good way. Vulva can feel more sensitive from pads/tampons and increased blood flow.
• Follicular phase (after period, before ovulation):
  Hormones: Estrogen is rising, a bit of testosterone is in play.
  Effects: Energy goes up, vaginal lubrication improves, and clitoral tissue gets more responsive. Many women find it easier to get turned on and reach orgasm during this time.
• Ovulation:
  Hormones: Estrogen peaks, LH surges, egg is released.
  Effects: Libido often spikes—nature pushing you toward sex. Cervical mucus is slippery, vulva looks fuller, and the clit may feel hypersensitive. Orgasms can feel stronger or easier.
• Luteal phase (after ovulation, PMS zone):
  Hormones: Progesterone dominates, then both estrogen and progesterone crash if you don’t get pregnant.
  Effects: Some people get extra horny mid-luteal, then drop off right before their period. Others feel swollen, irritable, and touched-out. Clitoral sensitivity can go either way—more intense or numbed by bloat and mood.

On hormonal birth control: Your natural peaks and valleys are muted. That can mean:

• More consistent but sometimes lower baseline libido.
• Less obvious mid-cycle horniness spike.
• Occasionally more dryness, which can make clitoral or vaginal stimulation feel like too much.

If your sex drive tanked after starting a method, that’s a medical side effect, not a personality flaw. You’re allowed to switch methods.

Clitoral orgasms, “vaginal” orgasms, and what’s actually happening

People love to separate “clitoral” and “vaginal” orgasms like they’re two totally different badges of honor. Here’s the thing:

• Nearly all orgasms you have with a vulva involve the clitoral network, even if the stimulation is internal.
• When something hits the front wall of the vagina (where people talk about a “G-spot”), it’s stimulating the internal parts of the clitoris and the urethral sponge.
• Grinding against a partner, toy, or pillow? Still clitoral and vulvar stimulation.

So if you only (or mostly) orgasm from external clitoral stimulation, you are in the majority. If you get pleasure from internal pressure plus clitoral contact, that’s also normal. If your body has one very specific script (e.g., only on top, or only with a toy at a certain angle), also normal.

If penetration hurts or feels like nothing

Two separate issues:

1. Penetration feels meh:
   
   • You might not be getting enough warm-up for blood to reach the clitoral bulbs and vaginal walls.
   • Positions that bring the clit closer to friction (on top, grinding against a thigh, partner’s pelvis, or toy) often help.
   • Add your hand or a toy on your clit during penetration.
2. Penetration hurts:
   

   Possible causes include dryness (hormones, meds, birth control), infections (yeast, BV, STIs), pelvic floor tension or vaginismus, or skin conditions.

   Bring it up with a provider if:

   • It hurts every time you try to insert anything.
   • You get burning or tearing at the entrance.
   • Pain has gotten worse over time.

   Pain is not a “you just need to relax” problem; it’s a real medical and physical issue and absolutely worth demanding care for.

Practical ways to actually involve your clit in sex

Some ideas to test, adjust, and totally ignore if they’re not your vibe:

• Solo first. Figure out what kind of pressure, rhythm, and angle your clit likes on your own—hand, shower head, toy, pillow.
• Mix stimulation. During penetration, use your own hand or have your partner touch your clit. Use a small vibrator on the outside.
• Try positions where your clit gets friction:
  • On top, leaning forward so your pubic bone rubs against theirs.
  • Doggy with a pillow under your hips and your hand on your clit.
  • Side-lying, where it’s easier to reach down.
• Talk about it. “I need more attention on my clit” is not high-maintenance, it’s honest data.

Your clitoris is not a backup plan—it’s the main power source. Penetration is optional; your pleasure is not.