How can I tell the difference between “messy but normal breakup drama” and actual danger, and what receipts should I save (screenshots, dates) in case I need to get help?

Normal breakup drama looks like hurt feelings, awkward texts, maybe some crying and unfollowing. Actual danger feels like walking on eggshells and being scared of what happens if you say no. If he’s threatening you (or himself), stalking, refusing to accept the breakup, destroying property, tracking you, or sharing/using sexual content against you—that’s not “messy,” that’s unsafe. Trust the part of you that feels sick when you see his name pop up. For receipts, save everything that shows a **pattern**: screenshots of threats, harassment, boundary violations, stalking, and revenge-porn attempts; photos of injuries or damaged property; a log of dates, times, and witnesses. Store copies somewhere he can’t access (cloud, trusted friend). Those receipts aren’t being dramatic—they’re leverage if you need a restraining order, campus help, or police.If you’re spiraling on “Am I overreacting or is this dangerous?”, you can always Chat with Gush and walk through it cycle by cycle, receipt by receipt.

How to know if your breakup is dangerous (not just dramatic) and what evidence to keep

What “messy but normal” breakup behavior looks like

Relationships end. People get weird. That doesn’t automatically make them dangerous.“Normal” (still annoying) breakup stuff:- Reaching out a few times for closure- Posting sad or vague emotional content- Mutual friends taking sides- Passive-aggressive likes/viewsYou might feel uncomfortable, irritated, or sad—but not *scared*.Key question: **If you told him “Stop contacting me” one time, would you believe he’d actually stop?** If your honest answer is no, we’re leaving “normal” territory.

Red flags that your breakup is actually unsafe

Here’s where your internal alarm is right to be screaming.Take this extremely seriously if he:- **Ignores your no-contact requests.**Shows up at your home/class/work after you’ve said no.- **Threatens you directly or indirectly.**- “If you leave me, I’ll ruin you.”- “You’ll be sorry.”- “I know where you live, don’t test me.”- **Threatens self-harm to control you.**- “If you don’t answer, I’ll kill myself.”This is emotional blackmail, not love.- **Stalks or tracks you.**Follows you, waits outside, “coincidentally” appears everywhere, uses location sharing or AirTags.- **Destroys property or hurts pets.**Punches walls, breaks your stuff, hits or scares animals.- **Uses or threatens revenge porn.**- “If you leave, I’ll send your nudes.”- Screenshots of your sexts being shared or threatened.- **Sabotages contraception or reproductive choices.**Hiding birth control, removing condoms without consent (stealthing), or pressuring pregnancy/abortion.Any one of these, especially in a pattern, = danger, not drama.If your situation feels messier than these bullet points—maybe it’s half-sweet, half-scary—that’s exactly the kind of gray area you can unpack with Gush, no judgment, just clarity.

How your body, cycle, and hormones help you spot danger

Your brain runs on more than logic; it runs on hormones and survival instincts.Notice your body’s reaction when he:- Texts you- Walks into a room- Likes your storyDo you feel:- Heart racing- Stomach clenching- Nausea or dizziness- Shaky or frozenThat’s your **fight/flight/freeze** system. It’s been trained by his past behavior. Your body remembers even when your brain is busy making excuses.Your menstrual cycle can amplify or muffle this:- **Follicular/ovulatory phases (higher estrogen):** You may feel clearer, more confident, more willing to name “this is wrong.” You might have more energy to block him, talk to friends, or reach out for help.- **Luteal/PMS phase (higher progesterone, then drop):** Your nervous system is more sensitive; anxiety and irritability spike. You might feel even more unsafe or panicky—or gaslight yourself with “I’m just hormonal.” Here’s the truth: hormones might turn the volume up, but they don’t invent red flags. If you only felt scared during PMS but *never* any other time, that’s one thing. But if he’s actually stalking, threatening, or controlling you? That’s not a hormone problem; that’s a him problem.If you’re on **hormonal birth control**, your natural cycle waves are flatter, but trauma + chronic stress can still trigger anxiety, depression, or numbness. If your mood is crashing and you’re unsure what’s hormones vs. danger, that’s a sign you deserve professional and community support, not less.

Receipts to save if you might need help later

Think like a lawyer and like a survivor.Save anything that shows **pattern + impact**:**Digital receipts:**- Screenshots of texts/DMs where he:- Threatens you or himself- Admits to ignoring your boundaries (“I know you said no, but…”)- Admits to tracking you, showing up, or breaking things- Screenshots of social posts tagging or subtweeting you in harassing ways- Evidence of revenge porn threats or distribution- Call logs showing repeated calls at all hours**Physical receipts:**- Photos of injuries (with date if possible)- Photos of damaged property (broken door, smashed phone, slashed tires)- Screenshots of location tracking apps/Find My access if misused**Written log:**- Date/time- What happened- Who saw or heard it- How you respondedStore this where he can’t get it:- Cloud storage under a non-obvious name- Email to yourself- A trusted friend’s phone or email

When to reach out for formal help

Use those receipts to:- **Talk to campus staff:** Title IX, campus security, housing. Ask about no-contact orders, housing changes, or safety escorts.- **Call a domestic violence hotline or text/chat service:** They help with stalking, emotional abuse, and digital harassment—not just hitting.- **File a police report:** Especially if there are threats, stalking, physical harm, or revenge porn. Bring printed or digital evidence.- **Seek a protective order/restraining order:** Your log of events + screenshots make it easier to show ongoing harassment.You’re not being petty by documenting. You’re building a paper shield in a world that doesn’t protect women nearly enough.

Taking care of your body after high-drama, high-danger breakups

Long after the last text, your body might still be in survival mode.Support yourself by:- Eating regularly (blood sugar drops = anxiety spikes)- Sleep routines that calm your nervous system (no phone in bed if you can swing it)- Light movement: walks, stretching, dancing it out- Tracking your cycle—not to blame hormones, but to understand when you need extra softness vs. when you have energy to take actionIf your cycle suddenly changes (missed periods, super heavy bleeding, random spotting) after all this stress—or you’re worried about pregnancy or STD exposure—that’s also worth getting checked. Stress, trauma, and hormonal birth control all affect your cycle and your brain.You’re not too sensitive, too dramatic, or too anything. You’re a woman in a world that tells you to downplay danger. You noticing it is your power coming back online.