How to set and communicate boundaries

Is it selfish to set boundaries with people I love?

Setting boundaries is the opposite of selfish; it’s how you make relationships sustainable instead of resentful. Selfish is “I get what I want no matter what it costs you.” A boundary is “Here’s what I can offer without destroying myself.” When you never say no, you build secret resentment and burnout, then eventually explode or disappear. That’s not kindness; that’s delayed chaos.Healthy boundaries:- Make your yes mean something- Prevent you from over‑committing and bailing- Protect your mental and physical health (including your cycle, sleep, and energy)If someone only calls you “selfish” when you stop over‑functioning for them, they didn’t love *you*—they loved the unpaid labor. Real love adjusts, even if it stings at first.

How do hormones and my menstrual cycle affect my ability to set boundaries?

Hormones don’t erase your needs, but they do change how loud they feel and how much capacity you have to deal with other people. In your follicular and ovulatory phases (after your period and mid‑cycle), rising estrogen often means more energy, optimism, and social tolerance—solid time for hard conversations. In your luteal phase (before your period), progesterone and brain chemistry shifts can make you more irritable, anxious, or sensitive. That’s often when ignored boundary issues feel unbearable.Instead of dismissing that as “PMS drama,” use it as a spotlight: what have you been swallowing all month? If your pre‑period mood swings are extreme or only show up cyclically, talk with a clinician about PMS vs PMDD. Either way, planning boundary talks around your higher‑capacity days can make them easier.

What’s the difference between a boundary and trying to control someone?

A boundary is about your behavior; control is about theirs. Boundary: “If you yell at me, I’m going to leave the conversation.” Control: “You’re not allowed to yell, ever.” Boundary: “I won’t have unprotected sex.” Control: “You can’t hook up with anyone else without condoms.”You can’t force people to act right. You *can* decide what you’ll accept, how long you’ll stay, and what you’ll do when your limits are crossed. If your “boundary” requires them to change for you to be okay, it’s probably control. If it’s about what *you* will do to protect your well‑being, that’s a boundary. One is domination; the other is self‑respect.

How can I set boundaries around my period, pain, or chronic symptoms?

Your body is not “inconvenient”; the world is just not built for it. You’re allowed to build in extra protection when you’re bleeding, in pain, or dealing with chronic conditions.Examples:- “During my period, I don’t do late nights. I’m exhausted and in pain.”- “I have really heavy, painful periods. I may need to work from home or take a sick day once a month.”- “I can’t drink when my cramps are bad; it makes them worse. I’m still down to hang, I’ll just be sober.”If your symptoms are severe—fainting, vomiting from pain, soaking through protection every hour, cycles missing for months—push for medical evaluation, not just painkillers. And if you want to sanity‑check what you’re feeling or how to word those boundaries, you can always drag it to Gush and sort through what’s “normal,” what’s not, and what you deserve to ask for.If you’re reading this and your brain is already listing 10 situations where you’ve ignored your own limits, that’s your sign. You don’t have to untangle it solo—bring your questions, patterns, and “is this normal?” moments to Gush and get honest, judgment‑free backup.