What does “good” consent look like in DMs—like, is a flirty vibe enough or should I get an actual yes before sending anything spicy?

A flirty vibe alone is not consent. "Good" consent in sexting and DMs is clear, specific, and enthusiastic. That means:

• You both know exactly what you’re agreeing to (sexy talk, pics, videos, live stuff, etc.).
• You both actively say yes ("I’d love that," "I’m down to trade pics," "Yes, send it").
• You can change your mind at any time, and the other person respects that.

"Omg you’re trouble" or reacting to your thirst trap with fire emojis isn’t enough permission for explicit nudes. Before sending anything spicy, get a real yes: "Wanna keep this flirty or are you into sexting/pics too?" If someone can’t give a clear answer, that’s your answer.

Want help decoding someone’s DMs or figuring out if a "maybe" is actually a no? Chat with Gush and walk through it with someone who cares about what your body and brain are saying.

What does good consent look like in sexting and DMs?

Vibes are not consent. Ever.

Online flirting can feel like a gray zone, but consent isn’t.

• The fact that they liked your thirst traps? Not consent.
• The fact that they replied to your story at 1 a.m.? Not consent.
• The fact that you are turned on? Still not consent—from them.

Good consent is explicit, not implied. Think of it like this:

• Bad: "They were flirting so I assumed it was fine."
• Good: "They said, ‘Yeah, I’d love to trade pics, just no face in mine.’"

If you’re squinting at the messages trying to figure out if it’s a yes, it’s not a yes.

What enthusiastic consent looks like in DMs

Enthusiastic consent in sexting usually sounds like:

• "Yes, I’m into sexting. Let’s go."
• "Please send it, I’ve been thinking about you all day."
• "I want to talk dirty but I don’t want to swap pics yet. Is that okay?"
• "I’m down for pics, just no saving or sharing."

Notice the pattern? It’s:

• Clear: You know what they’re agreeing to.
• Active: They’re saying yes, not just failing to say no.
• Boundaried: They’re telling you what isn’t okay.

You deserve that kind of clarity too.

So before you level up from flirty banter to explicit sexting, ask:

• "Are you into sexting or would you rather keep things light?"
• "I’m thinking about sending a nude. You want that or nah?"

If their answer is "lol," "idk," or a long pause, treat it as a no and move on.

If you’re sitting there re-reading the chat 40 times trying to decode it, you don’t need more overthinking; you need another human to reality-check it. That’s literally what Gush is for: bring the screenshots, the confusion, and the way your body is reacting, and unpack it in real time.

DM green flags vs. yellow and red flags

Green flags in sexting consent:

• They ask about your boundaries: "What are you comfortable with? Pics? Just words?"
• They bring up privacy without you asking: "No saving/sharing, obviously."
• They accept a no gracefully: "Totally cool, happy to just talk."

Yellow flags (slow down):

• They dodge giving a clear yes or no: "Maybeee," "idk," "you first."
• They rely on guilt: "You don’t trust me?"
• They act confused when you mention boundaries.

Red flags (stop):

• They send explicit content without asking.
• They pressure you: "Come on, it’s not a big deal."
• They threaten to share what you’ve already sent.

That last one isn’t just a red flag; it’s abuse.

How your cycle can mess with your "yes" and "no" online

Your hormonal cycle can shift how you feel about sexting a lot, and that matters for consent because you’re making decisions with a brain that sits inside a body.

Quick hormonal map:

1. Menstrual phase (bleeding):
   • Hormones: Estrogen and progesterone are low.
   • You might feel: Drained, crampy, emotionally raw.
   • Consent impact: You may have less tolerance for sexual content and more need for comfort. You might say no more often—and that’s not you being "boring," that’s you listening to your body.
2. Follicular phase (post-period):
   • Hormones: Rising estrogen, a bit more dopamine and serotonin.
   • You might feel: More social, flirty, open to new things.
   • Consent impact: Easier yeses. That can be fun—but watch for people who only text you when you’re in your "yes" era and disappear when you’re not.
3. Ovulatory phase (mid-cycle):
   • Hormones: High estrogen, LH surge, higher testosterone.
   • You might feel: Extra horny, confident, bolder.
   • Consent impact: This is when "I never do this" suddenly becomes "maybe just this once." Before you send, ask yourself: "Would non-ovulating me be okay with this screenshot existing?" If the answer is no, slow down.
4. Luteal phase (PMS window):
   • Hormones: Progesterone high then dropping, estrogen up then down.
   • You might feel: Moody, anxious, easily overstimulated.
   • Consent impact: You may regret sexts more, or feel more triggered by any pressure. Protect yourself by making a rule like, "If I’m feeling anxious or spiraling, I don’t escalate sexting."

If your cycles are irregular, super long, or you skip periods, hormones can feel like chaos. That doesn’t mean you can’t consent; it means you may want extra grounding before you say yes (like waiting 10 minutes, drinking water, checking in with how your body feels).

Hormonal birth control changes this landscape: it can flatten the peaks of ovulation, lower libido, or make your mood more stable—or more sensitive, depending on your body. If you notice you keep saying yes to sexting and then feeling empty or icky, that pattern is worth examining with a provider or trusted support.

Gray area replies: decoding the "maybes"

Some examples that are not clear consent:

• "Idk lol"
• "Maybe later"
• "You’re bad" with no actual yes
• Responding with emojis only

Treat all of those as "not yet." If you want, you can gently clarify:

• "All good either way, just want to be sure. Is that a yes or should we keep it PG?"

If they still won’t give you a real answer, back off. You’re not a mind reader, and you’re not responsible for dragging a yes out of someone.

Your consent also has to feel good to your nervous system

Some signs your own "yes" might not be fully aligned:

• Your stomach drops when they ask for pics.
• You say yes and immediately feel numb or spaced out.
• You keep checking your phone afterwards, panicking about screenshots.

That’s your body waving a red flag, even if your mouth typed "sure."

You’re allowed to circle back:

• "Hey, I’m realizing that sexting last night didn’t feel great for me. I don’t want to do that again."

If they argue, that’s all the information you need.