How do I ask someone their pronouns without making it awkward or putting them on the spot—especially at work or in class when everyone’s watching?

Keep it simple, lead by example, and give people an easy out. The least awkward way to ask someone’s pronouns is to offer yours first: Hey, I’m Maya, I use she/they. How about you? In group settings, normalize it as optional: If you’re comfortable, you can share your name and pronouns. That signals safety without pressuring anyone to out themselves.At work or in class, add pronouns to your email signature, display name, or introductions so it feels like a norm, not an interrogation. If you miss someone’s pronouns, ask them privately later instead of putting them on blast. The goal is respect, not a public performance of how woke you are.If you want to practice how you introduce yourself or even how to bring this up with a doctor while talking about your cycle or symptoms, you can always talk it through with Gush.

How to ask someone their pronouns without making it weird at work or school

Start by going first: normalize, don’t interrogate

The least cringe way to ask pronouns is to stop treating them like a special event.Step one: you go first.Examples:- One-on-one: Hey, I’m Nia, I use she/they. What about you?- New group: I’m Ana, I use she/her. Share your pronouns if you’d like, and if not, totally fine.- Online meetings: Put them in your display name: Tara (she/they) so people see it without a speech.Why this works:- You’re not putting anyone on trial. You’re just offering info about yourself.- You make it optional. That protects people who aren’t out, are questioning, or just don’t trust the room yet.- You shift the vibe from Are you trans? to We respect each other here.That’s kindness, not performative niceness.

Concrete scripts for class, work, and social settings

You should not have to invent this on the spot. Steal these.In class, during introductions:- Let’s go around with name, major, and if you’re comfy, pronouns. If you’d rather pass, just share your name.- My name is Jordan, I use they/them. Share yours if you want to.At work, in a meeting:- I’m Sam, I use she/her and I’m on the design team. If you’d like to share pronouns when you intro yourself, go for it, and if not, no pressure.- You’ll see my pronouns in my email signature and Slack. If you want to add yours, cool; if not, your call.One-on-one if you’re unsure:- Hey, I realized I don’t know your pronouns and don’t want to assume. How do you like to be referred to?- I don’t want to misgender you. What pronouns do you use?If you missed it in a group:- Afterward: I think I missed your pronouns earlier – what do you use? I want to get it right.Notice the pattern: short, direct, optional. No TED Talk, no panic.If this still feels sticky or your situation is extra complicated, your reality doesn’t have to fit these examples perfectly. You can always walk through it step by step with Gush and get support that actually matches your body, your stress, and your schedule.

How to avoid putting people on the spot

The fastest way to make pronouns awkward is to treat them like a test.Here’s what to avoid:- Don’t single someone out: What are your pronouns? in front of 20 people when you only ask them. That screams You look gender nonconforming, explain yourself.- Don’t demand explanations: But why they/them? or What does that mean? They’re not your gender educator unless they volunteer.- Don’t argue: I just can’t get used to that is not a personality trait; it’s a choice.Better moves:- Make it collective and optional: Name, role, and pronouns if you want.- If someone doesn’t share, respect that. Just use their name.- Pay attention to the pronouns other people use for them. Sometimes listening is the answer.The goal: create space, not pressure. Safety first, curiosity second.

Where this hits your body: pronouns, periods, and the medical system

Here’s where it gets real: pronouns are not just social; they show up when you’re talking about your body, your period, and your health.Not everyone who menstruates uses she/her. Not everyone who uses she/her menstruates. Bodies and genders don’t line up in some neat textbook diagram.So when you go to a provider about cramps, heavy bleeding, or birth control, you’re allowed to say both:- I use they/she pronouns.- My cycles are about 30 days, and my periods last 6–7 days with bad cramps.A quick breakdown of your menstrual cycle (because yes, this matters in health conversations):- Menstrual phase (bleeding): Estrogen and progesterone are low. You might feel tired, crampy, and over everyone’s bullshit.- Follicular phase (post-period, pre-ovulation): Estrogen climbs. Energy usually rises, mood often improves, brain feels less foggy.- Ovulation: A spike in luteinizing hormone (LH) triggers the release of an egg. Some people feel a libido bump, a little pelvic twinge, or a confidence boost.- Luteal phase (PMS zone): Progesterone rises, then drops. This is peak irritability, bloating, cravings, and why did I cry at a dog food commercial energy.Irregular cycles, heavy bleeding, or brutal PMS are not just annoying girl problems . They’re medical issues. But a lot of us get dismissed because providers see young woman and instantly minimize our pain.Bringing your pronouns into the room is part of reclaiming control: over how you’re addressed, how your symptoms are heard, and how seriously your pain is taken.Also relevant:- Birth control can change your bleed pattern and symptoms. Some methods flatten hormones, some spike them.- If your cycle disappears, is extremely painful, or you’re soaking through pads or tampons in under an hour, that’s worth getting checked.Your pronouns and your period are both about one thing: this is my body, and I get to define my experience.

Using your voice without becoming the Pronoun Police

You do not have to be the gender cop of every room. But you can be the person who shifts the culture.Ways to support without burning out:- Lead by example: put pronouns in your bios, intros, and email signature.- Gently correct: They use they/them, actually. Then move on.- Back people up: If someone gets misgendered and looks uncomfortable, you can step in so they don’t have to.- Pick your battles: You’re allowed to conserve energy. Focus on spaces you’re in regularly: your lab group, your org, your workplace.Pronouns aren’t a trend. They’re one small, specific way of saying: I see you, and I’m not going to act like you don’t exist. That’s the kind of rebellion that actually changes cultures.