What do I do if a provider says they’re “inclusive” but then misgenders me/acts weird about my partner—do I report it, switch providers, or is there a script to advocate for myself without it turning into a whole thing?

You’re not “too sensitive.” If a provider claims to be inclusive and then misgenders you or erases your partner, that’s a problem—not a personality quirk.You have options, and you get to pick what protects your energy:- **In the moment (if you have the spoons):** Brief corrections like, “My pronouns are she/they—please use those,” or “She’s my partner, not my friend. Please use ‘partner’ in my chart.”- **After the visit:** Message the office: name what happened, ask them to correct your records, and decide if you’re giving them another chance or switching.- **Reporting:** For serious discrimination, you can complain to the clinic, patient advocate, school (Title IX), or licensing board.Bottom line: you are allowed to walk away. Their feelings are not more important than your safety.If you want help drafting scripts or just debriefing a trash appointment, you can always Chat with Gush and vent while also getting a plan.

What to do when an “inclusive” doctor misgenders you or disrespects your partner

First: you’re not overreacting

When a provider markets themselves as “LGBTQ+-friendly” and then:- Misgenders you- Uses the wrong name- Downgrades your partner to “friend”- Assumes you’re straight or cis despite what you said…it’s not “awkward.” It’s a **breach of trust**.This isn’t just about feelings (though your feelings are valid). It impacts care:- You’re less likely to be honest about sex, mental health, and symptoms.- You might avoid needed exams (like Pap smears) because the environment isn’t safe.- Important issues—like cycle changes on hormones or birth control—get ignored because you shut down.You are allowed to treat this as serious. Because it is.

Scripts you can use in the moment

You do *not* owe anyone an educational TED Talk while you’re in a paper gown. But if you want short, sharp lines, here you go.**Correcting pronouns or name:**- “My name is [Name], and my pronouns are [she/they/they/etc.]. Please use those.”- “I noticed you used [wrong pronoun]. My pronouns are [x]. Can you update that in my chart so everyone sees it?”**Correcting partner language:**- “She’s my partner, not my friend. Please list her as my partner in my chart.”- “My partner is nonbinary; please use ‘they’ for them.”**Connecting it to care:**- “When you use the wrong pronouns, it makes it harder for me to talk about my body and sex. I need this to feel safe if we’re going to keep working together.”**If they mess up again:**- “You’ve used the wrong pronouns several times. If you’re not able to respect that, I may need a different provider.”If you’re also dealing with menstrual issues, you can tie it together:- “My dysphoria gets worse around my period, especially in the week before I bleed. Being misgendered makes these visits harder. I need you to get this right if we’re going to talk honestly about my cycle and pain.”If you’re thinking, “This is way more nuance than I can manage mid-cramp,” that’s fair. You can always workshop your own words with Gush ahead of time, so you walk in with scripts ready.

Stay, educate, or leave? How to choose what’s right for you

You don’t have to be the brave educational warrior every time. Ask:- Was this a one-time slip followed by a real apology and correction?- Or a pattern, plus defensiveness or excuses?- Do I feel safe enough to come back?- Is this provider otherwise giving me rare, hard-to-find care (like endo expertise, HRT, PMDD treatment)?**Option 1: Give them one more shot (on your terms)**You can send a message after the visit:> “During our appointment, my name/pronouns/partner were mis-stated multiple times, even after I corrected it. This made it hard to feel safe discussing my health. I would like my chart updated to: [Name], pronouns [x], partner [name/pronouns]. If we continue working together, I need this to be respected.”If they respond well, you might keep them—especially if they’re otherwise good with your cycle issues, hormones, or gender-affirming care.**Option 2: Quietly switch and never look back**Totally valid to say, “Nope,” get your records, and find someone else.

Switching providers without blowing up your care

If you’re:- On **gender-affirming hormones**- Managing brutal **PMS/PMDD**- Treating **endo, PCOS, or irregular cycles**- On **birth control** that took time to get right…you don’t want a gap in care.Steps:1. **Line up a new provider first** if you can (using the directories and screening tips from Q1).2. Ask the new office: “Can you request my records from [old provider]?” Most will do it for you.3. Make sure you have enough meds (HRT, birth control, antidepressants, etc.) to cover the transition period. Ask for a refill if you can stomach one last portal message.A quick hormone reality check:- **Combined birth control (estrogen + progestin)** usually regulates or suppresses your cycle. Stopping abruptly can trigger irregular bleeding, ovulation pain, mood swings.- **Progestin-only methods** (like some pills, implants, hormonal IUDs) can cause irregular spotting, lighter periods, or no periods.- **Gender-affirming testosterone** usually stops periods over time but can cause weird, heavy bleeds early on.Having a provider who respects your identity matters even more when you’re juggling these changes.

When and how to report discrimination

Not every microaggression needs a formal complaint, but some situations cross the line into clear discrimination:- Refusing to treat you or your partner because of orientation or gender.- Mocking your identity.- Violating confidentiality about your queer or trans status.Options:- **Clinic or hospital patient advocate:** Ask, “How do I file a complaint about discriminatory care?”- **School health center / university:** Report through Title IX or student affairs if it happened on campus.- **State licensing board:** You can file a complaint against doctors, nurses, or therapists for unprofessional conduct.- **Insurance or civil rights offices:** In some regions, you can file anti-discrimination complaints under healthcare protections.Your complaint might not fix them overnight, but it creates a paper trail—and protects the next queer kid who walks in scared and alone.

Regulating your nervous system after a trash appointment

After a bad “inclusive” visit, your body often tells the story:- Heart racing, nausea, shaking- Flare in period pain or GI issues- PMS or PMDD symptoms hitting harder than usualYour hormones and nervous system are best friends and worst enemies:- **Luteal phase (before your period):** Progesterone rises, and if you’re prone to anxiety or depression, this is when medical trauma hits hardest.- Stress hormones like cortisol can worsen cramps, bloating, and sleep.Post-appointment care ideas:- Text someone who gets it and say, “I just had a garbage appointment; can you be mad with me?”- Write down what happened while it’s fresh (for yourself or a complaint).- Do something very physical—walk, shake out your arms, stretch—to burn off adrenaline.- Schedule a follow-up with a better provider or therapist to re-anchor in *real* care.Your rage is information. Use it to draw boundaries, not to beat yourself up for “overreacting.”