If I’m not sure I want kids right now, how do I actually compare parenting vs adoption vs abortion without spiraling—like what are the real-life emotional + financial impacts of each?

You compare parenting, adoption, and abortion by getting brutally honest about three things: your support system, your mental health, and your money. Not the fantasy version of your life, the actual one.Parenting means 24/7 responsibility, long-term financial pressure, and a mix of love, stress, and identity shift for decades. Adoption means being pregnant and giving birth, then living with the emotional reality of placing a baby with someone else (which can be healing, heartbreaking, or both). Abortion means ending the pregnancy now, with short-term physical recovery and emotions that tend to be mostly relief for most people, plus whatever meaning you personally attach to it.You are not choosing what makes everyone else comfortable. You’re choosing what lets you survive and hopefully, eventually, thrive.Want to talk it through with someone who won’t flinch at blood, tears, or rage? Chat with Gush and unpack your cycle, symptoms, and whatever your body’s been screaming at you.

How to compare parenting vs adoption vs abortion in real life

Step one: Get out of panic mode and into reality mode

Unplanned pregnancy scrambles your brain. That’s not you being dramatic; that’s hormones and survival mode.Right now, a few things might be going on in your body:- If you just missed a period, your body has likely shifted from its usual cycle (menstrual → follicular → ovulation → luteal) into early pregnancy.- In a normal cycle, progesterone spikes in the luteal phase (right before your period) and causes PMS: mood swings, crying at commercials, anxiety. If pregnancy happens, progesterone stays high instead of dropping, which can intensify feelings.- Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts rising after implantation (about 6–10 days after ovulation). That hormone is what pregnancy tests pick up and what can make you nauseous or exhausted.If your cycles are irregular, you’re on birth control, or you have no idea when you ovulated, that confusion is normal. It just means:- Take a test (or a few) instead of guessing.- If the test is positive and you’re unsure how far along you are, a clinic or provider can do an ultrasound or bloodwork.Your brain is trying to plan the rest of your life in one night. You don’t have to. You do need to zoom out and compare the options based on your actual life, not what Instagram thinks a ‘good girl’ would do.

Emotional realities: Parenting vs adoption vs abortion

Let’s strip the shame and talk about what people actually report feeling long term.ParentingShort term:- Pregnancy discomfort, birth (which is major physical trauma, even when beautiful), sleep deprivation.- Huge hormonal crash after birth as estrogen and progesterone plummet and prolactin and oxytocin shift, which can trigger baby blues or postpartum depression.Long term:- Love, attachment, and a sense of purpose for many.- Chronic stress, burnout, and resentment if support is low.- Your identity changes. Friendships, dating, school, and work logistics all get rearranged around caregiving.Emotionally, parenting can be the most rewarding and the most demanding. Both can be true at the same time.AdoptionShort term:- You go through the whole pregnancy and birth experience with all the same hormonal chaos.- Postpartum hormone crash still happens, even if you place the baby. That can mean sadness, anxiety, or numbness.Long term:- Research and lived experience say most birth parents feel a mix of relief and grief.- Open adoption (some level of ongoing contact) can feel more connected but also more emotionally complex.- Closed adoption may avoid ongoing emotional triggers but can leave unanswered questions and loss.Adoption is not an ‘easy out.’ You still experience pregnancy and birth, plus the lifelong emotional reality of having a child you’re not raising.AbortionShort term:- Physical: like a heavy period or strong cramps with medication abortion; like a brief, intense procedure with in-clinic abortion.- Hormonal: when the pregnancy ends, hCG, estrogen, and progesterone start falling back down. You might feel a temporary mood dip, similar to a pre-period crash.Long term:- Most people report relief as the dominant feeling. Studies have repeatedly shown relief is more common than regret.- Some feel sadness, guilt, or anger — often because of stigma, not the decision itself.If you have a history of depression, anxiety, or trauma, any of these options can stir things up. That doesn’t mean you’re choosing ‘wrong’; it means lining up mental health support is non-negotiable.

Money talk: What does each option actually cost?

Emotion and money are both real. You’re allowed to factor dollars into this.Parenting costs- Pregnancy and birth: In the U.S., vaginal birth with insurance can still cost thousands out of pocket. Without insurance, it can be $10k–$30k+.- Ongoing: Diapers, formula or breastfeeding supplies, clothes, childcare, medical care. The ‘cost to raise a child’ stat (hundreds of thousands by age 18) is real, but even zooming into the next 1–3 years matters.- Time: Time is money, too. Taking time off school or work, paying for childcare so you can go to class, missing shifts.There are support programs (WIC, Medicaid/CHIP, housing help, campus parenting support), but they rarely erase the financial load. They just make survival more possible.Adoption costs- Medical and legal fees are usually covered by the adoptive family or agency.- You may receive help with pregnancy-related expenses (transportation, maternity clothes, some living costs), depending on your state’s laws.- The financial impact shows up more in lost wages during pregnancy, time off work or school, and long-term mental health needs.If anyone is trying to ‘buy’ your decision or rushing you into signing paperwork, that’s a giant red flag. You’re not a womb-for-hire.Abortion costs- Medication abortion (pills): Roughly $150–$800 depending on location, gestational age, and whether there’s insurance.- In-clinic/procedural abortion: Often $400–$1,500+ depending on how far along you are.- Travel, hotel, time off work, childcare, and privacy logistics can add to the real cost.- Abortion funds and practical support networks exist specifically to help with money, rides, and logistics.This is often the least expensive option financially, especially long term.If reading all this still feels like it doesn’t fit your reality, that’s normal. Your life is not a case study. If you want someone to walk through the messy middle with you, hit up Gush for a one-on-one, judgment-free breakdown of your body, your cycle, and your options.

How your cycle and hormones can mess with (or support) your decision-making

Even in chaos, your body has patterns. Understanding them can help you tell the difference between ‘I’m freaking out’ and ‘this is actually what I want.’- Menstrual phase (bleeding): Estrogen and progesterone are low. Energy is down, emotions can feel flat or raw. If your pregnancy scare or positive test hits here (late or weird period), you may feel especially drained.- Follicular phase (after your period): Estrogen rises. Many people feel clearer and more optimistic. This can be a good time to do research and make phone calls.- Ovulation: Estrogen peaks, LH surges, libido is up. This is when pregnancy usually happens. If this is when you had unprotected sex, note it. That timing matters for how far along you might be.- Luteal phase (PMS zone): Progesterone rises, then falls if you’re not pregnant. If you are pregnant, it stays high. This is when mood swings and anxiety intensify.If you’re on hormonal birth control, your ‘cycle’ is often flattened or controlled by synthetic hormones, so your emotional patterns might be different. Irregular cycles (PCOS, thyroid issues, extreme stress) also make timing harder — another reason a real pregnancy test and possibly a provider visit matter.

Questions that actually help you choose

Grab your notes app. Ask yourself:- In the next 12–24 months, who would help me with childcare, money, and emotional support if I parented?- Am I physically and mentally okay with going through pregnancy and birth right now?- How do I feel about someone else raising a child that’s genetically mine?- Can I safely involve my partner or family in this decision? If not, that’s data.- What are my education, career, or personal goals in the next 3–5 years? How does each option impact them?- What does my gut do when I imagine each outcome — parenting, placing for adoption, or ending the pregnancy?None of these answers make you good or bad. They just make you honest.

When you should get medical help, no matter what you choose

- You’re having severe abdominal pain on one side, shoulder pain, or feeling faint: could be ectopic pregnancy — emergency.- You’re bleeding very heavily (soaking through pads every hour) or passing large clots.- You’ve had a positive pregnancy test and then no period for months after abortion or miscarriage: you need follow-up.- You feel persistently hopeless, numb, or like you might hurt yourself: your brain needs help just as much as your uterus does.You deserve real information, real care, and real choice — not pressure.