How do you bring up hygiene with a partner without it getting weird or feeling like you’re accusing them of being gross—especially if it’s a casual situation?

You’re allowed to want a clean body next to yours. Naming hygiene is about boundaries, not being a bitch. The move is to frame it as shared care and better sex, not a personal attack. Use “I” language, keep it specific, and tie it to comfort and health: “I feel way more into it when we’ve both rinsed off first,” or “I’m prone to UTIs, so it really helps me when we pee and wash up before and after.”

You can also normalize it as part of the vibe: suggest showering together, keep wipes/soap visible, or make “quick clean-up” just what happens before clothes come off. Anyone who reacts defensively to basic hygiene is telling you who they are.

If you’re dreading this convo or rehearsing it in your head, run it by Gush first and practice saying what you actually mean without shrinking yourself.

How to talk to a partner about sexual hygiene without it being awkward

Rule one: hygiene boundaries are not rude, they’re self-respect

You are not “too picky” for wanting:

• Your partner to shower or at least rinse.
• Clean hands, toys, and genitals.
• Less smell, sweat, or funk in your face.
• Fewer UTIs, yeast infections, and irritation.

Sex involves your urethra, vagina, and microbiome. That’s your health, not just your kink. You’re allowed to protect it.

Hygiene is not a personality judgment. It’s logistics.

Exactly what to say in different situations

Let’s make this practical.

Casual hookup / new partner:

• “I’m big on a quick clean-up before we hook up. Want to rinse off with me?”
• “I usually pee and wash up before/after sex because I get UTIs easily. Can we build that in?”
• “I’m way more turned on when we’re both fresh. Can we do a quick shower or at least wash hands first?”

Established partner:

• “I’ve been getting more irritation/UTIs after sex. It would really help me if we both started rinsing and peeing before and after.”
• “I love being close to you, but sometimes the sweat/smell throws me off. Can we do a quick wash first? It makes it easier for me to relax into it.”

Focus on your body, your comfort, and the shared pleasure you’re trying to protect.

Turn hygiene into foreplay, not a performance review

You don’t have to sit them down for a TED Talk.

Try:

• “Let’s shower together first.”
• “I’m going to rinse off real quick — come with?”
• Keeping soap, a clean towel, and condoms/lube visible so “before sex clean-up” feels like part of the script.

Making it playful:

• Kiss them and say, “Five-minute shower and then I’m all yours.”
• Hand them a towel or lead them to the bathroom like it’s just the next step.

You’re setting a standard, not begging for a favor.

If your experience with partners has been “just put up with it,” and this all feels like a huge leap, you’re not alone. You can untangle old people-pleasing habits with Gush and practice saying what you actually need—without apologizing for existing.

What if they get defensive or embarrassed?

Their reaction tells you a lot:

• Healthy response: “Oh, yeah, totally. Thanks for telling me.”
• Red flag response: “Wow, are you saying I’m disgusting?” or “You’re being dramatic, it’s not that deep.”

If they get defensive:

• Re-center: “This isn’t about you being gross. My body just reacts easily — I get UTIs/irritation, and this helps a lot. I want sex to stay fun, not painful.”
• Hold the line: “This is a boundary for me. If we’re going to have sex, I need us both to clean up a bit first.”

You’re not insulting them. You’re giving them a roadmap to keep having sex with you.

Hygiene, hormones, and why you may need more care at certain times

Your needs around hygiene might change depending on where you are in your cycle.

• Menstrual phase (period):
  • Blood changes pH and smell; there’s more fluid overall.
  • You might want more rinsing, towel protection, and clear “condom on, towel down, shower after” rules.
  • Saying, “On my period I like us to shower before and I need to change my period product after,” is reasonable, not dramatic.
• Follicular phase:
  • Estrogen rises, discharge usually feels light/creamy.
  • Many people feel more confident and less sensitive — you might be more chill about sweat here.
• Ovulation:
  • Discharge is slippery/egg-white and there’s more of it.
  • You might feel extra turned on and less bothered by natural smells.
• Luteal phase (PMS week):
  • Progesterone rises, body temp bumps, sweat and odor can feel more intense.
  • You may feel more easily irritated physically and emotionally.
  • This might be the week you say, “I really need us fresh if we’re having sex right now.”

On hormonal birth control, your cycle signals might be muted or different — less obvious discharge shifts, fewer PMS spikes, or sometimes more dryness. With irregular cycles, all of this can feel random. That makes it even more important to pay attention to how your body feels today and communicate that.

When the issue is their smell, discharge, or possible infection

Sometimes the problem isn’t just “you smell sweaty,” it’s “something smells medically off.” Red flags:

• Strong, fishy odor, especially after sex.
• Gray, yellow-green, or frothy discharge.
• Visible rash, sores, or irritation.

You can say:

• “I’ve noticed a strong smell lately that seems different from your usual. I care about you and I’m wondering if it might be an infection. Would you be open to getting it checked before we keep having sex?”

And remember: you can also say no. “I’m not comfortable having sex until this is checked out” is a complete sentence.

Casual doesn’t mean careless

One-night stand or situationship, you still get to have standards. Fast scripts for casual setups:

• “Before we get into it, I’m going to pee and rinse off — I get UTIs if I don’t.”
• “Can we both wash our hands/use the bathroom first? My body is picky and I’ve learned to baby it.”
• “I have a rule: clean hands, condom, and a quick rinse. You in?”

If they act annoyed that you don’t want random bacteria all over your urethra and vagina, they’re not mature enough to be near your body.

Your hygiene boundaries are not negotiable just because the relationship is “casual.”