Okay real talk: how do I choose between water-based vs silicone vs oil-based lube, and which ones are actually safe with condoms + sex toys?

Q: Okay real talk: how do I choose between water-based vs silicone vs oil-based lube, and which ones are actually safe with condoms + sex toys?A: Short version: water-based lube is the safe default. It works with condoms (latex, polyisoprene, polyurethane) and all sex toys (silicone, glass, metal, whatever). It can dry out faster, but it’s the least drama.Silicone lube is slick, long-lasting, and amazing for longer sessions or anal. It’s condom-safe, but usually *not* safe with silicone toys (it can break them down over time), so save it for glass/metal toys or bare skin unless the toy specifically says it’s okay.Oil-based (including coconut oil) is *not* safe with latex or polyisoprene condoms and can increase infection risk inside the vagina, especially if you get yeast infections a lot. Think of it as mostly for external play and hand jobs.When in doubt: water-based, pH-balanced, and clearly labeled "condom safe" and "toy safe."Need someone to talk through what’s actually going on with your body (or your hookup history) before you pick a bottle? Chat with Gush and unpack your cycle, symptoms, and sex life without the awkward.

How to choose between water-based, silicone, and oil-based lube (and what’s safe with condoms & sex toys)

First: lube is normal, not a red flag

If anyone’s ever hinted that “needing” lube means you’re not turned on enough, that’s just patriarchy talking.Natural lubrication is controlled by hormones, stress, meds, hydration, where you are in your menstrual cycle, and a million other things you do *not* owe anyone an explanation for.Here’s what’s happening under the hood:- **Menstrual phase (bleeding)**: Estrogen and progesterone are low. Tissue can feel dry and sensitive. Blood is *not* lube. Friction can be harsher, so extra lube is your friend.- **Follicular phase (after period, before ovulation)**: Estrogen rises. Many people notice more natural moisture and thinner discharge.- **Ovulation (mid-cycle)**: Estrogen peaks. Cervical mucus gets clear, stretchy, “egg white” or slippery. This is your wettest, most naturally-lubed phase.- **Luteal phase (after ovulation, PMS week)**: Progesterone rises, estrogen falls. Discharge often gets thicker or stickier. Many feel drier, especially right before their next period.On **hormonal birth control**, estrogen is usually kept lower and more stable. That can mean less natural lubrication across the board. Irregular cycles (PCOS, stress, under-eating, intense exercise) just make things more unpredictable, so having lube on hand is a power move, not a problem.

Water-based lube: the all-purpose MVP

Water-based lube is the default recommendation for a reason:**Pros:**- Safe with *all* condoms: latex, polyisoprene, polyurethane.- Safe with *all* toys: silicone, glass, stainless steel, ABS plastic, etc.- Easy to wash off skin, sheets, and toys with water.- Comes in options that are **pH-balanced for the vagina** (look for that phrase on the label).**Cons:**- Can dry out faster; sometimes feels sticky after a while.- Cheap formulas can be loaded with glycerin and irritating additives (more on that in Q2).What to look for if your vagina is easily irritated:- "Water-based," "glycerin-free," "paraben-free," "fragrance-free."- Phrases like "pH-balanced for vaginal use" or "pH 3.8–4.5." The vagina’s natural pH is acidic (around 3.8–4.5), and staying in that range helps protect against infections.Water-based lube is ideal for:- Vaginal sex at any point in your cycle, especially **period** and **luteal** phases when you’re drier.- Toy use (especially silicone toys).- People on **the pill, patch, or ring**, who often have lower natural lubrication.

Silicone lube: long-lasting slip for when things get intense

Silicone lube is thicker, slicker, and stays on the surface of your skin longer.**Pros:**- Extremely long-lasting; you usually need less.- Stays slippery even with intense friction.- Great for shower sex because it doesn’t wash off with just water.- Condom-safe with latex, polyisoprene, and polyurethane.**Watch-outs:**- Typically *not* safe with silicone toys. It can break down the surface over time, making toys sticky, rough, or unsafe. Use it with glass, metal, or hard plastic toys instead, unless the toy brand explicitly says silicone lube is okay.- Harder to wash off; you’ll need soap and water.Silicone lube shines when:- You’re doing **anal sex** (the rectum doesn’t self-lubricate).- You get very dry in the **luteal phase** or on **hormonal birth control**.- You want fewer pauses to reapply.If you’re reading this and thinking, "Okay but my body never behaves like the diagrams," that’s normal. Your hormones, meds, and mental load are unique. If you want a human to help decode your version of “normal,” hit up Gush for a personalized, no-BS breakdown.

Oil-based lube: what it’s actually good for (and what it’s not)

Oil-based means anything that is mainly oil or fat: coconut oil, almond oil, shea butter mixes, petroleum jelly, a lot of “natural” DIY blends.**Huge rule #1:**- **NEVER use oil-based lube with latex or polyisoprene condoms.** Oil weakens the material, making it way more likely to break.**Condom-safe only with:**- Polyurethane condoms (less common) and some specific non-latex options that say "oil-safe" on the box.**Other issues inside the vagina:**- Oils can trap heat and moisture, which is heaven for yeast.- They’re harder to wash out, so residue can hang around and mess with your microbiome.Oil-based can still have a role:- External vulva massage.- Hand jobs.- Outer play where condoms and vaginal penetration aren’t involved.If you’re prone to **yeast infections or BV**, keep oil-based stuff away from your internal vagina.

Condom + toy compatibility cheat sheet

Use this when you’re staring at a lube bottle in your bathroom at 1 a.m.:**Condoms**- **Latex condoms:** Safe with water-based and silicone lube. Not safe with oil.- **Polyisoprene condoms (e.g., SKYN):** Same as latex. No oil.- **Polyurethane condoms:** Generally safe with all three, but double-check the box.**Toys**- **Silicone toys:** Water-based is safest. Silicone lube only if the brand says it’s okay.- **Glass, metal, hard plastic toys:** All three types can be okay, but water-based is still the easiest and least messy.- **Porous toys (jelly, rubber, very cheap stuff):** These are infection magnets already. If you’re using them, stick to water-based lube, use condoms on the toy when possible, and clean them obsessively.

How your cycle and hormones affect what lube you might want

You’re allowed to change lubes like you change outfits. Your hormones are literally shifting the moisture situation across your cycle.- **During your period (menstrual phase):** Blood can feel slippery at first but dries and gets sticky. Estrogen is low, so tissue can be more sensitive. A gentle water-based, pH-balanced lube helps protect from friction.- **Follicular phase:** Rising estrogen = more cervical fluid and natural moisture. You may need less lube, but still use it if penetration feels draggy.- **Ovulation:** Peak estrogen = slipperiest mucus. You might be able to go light on lube here, or switch to a thinner water-based formula if thicker ones feel too much.- **Luteal/PMS phase:** Progesterone dominates, and many people get drier, crampier, and more sensitive. A thicker water-based or silicone lube can make sex way more comfortable.On **hormonal birth control**, natural cervical mucus is usually lighter/less fertile, which often means less wetness overall. That’s biology, not a reflection of desire.Irregular cycles (PCOS, thyroid issues, stress, extreme dieting, heavy exercise) can mean your estrogen pattern is chaotic. If your dryness is severe, sudden, or comes with pain or bleeding, that’s a good reason to see a provider.

When to get medical help, not just a different lube

Switching lubes is easy; ignoring serious symptoms is not powerful, it’s self-neglect.Talk to a clinician or sexual health clinic if:- Sex hurts consistently, even with plenty of lube.- You notice bleeding after sex.- You have new, intense dryness that doesn’t improve with lube.- You’re having burning, itching, or weird discharge.Could be hormones, infections (like BV, yeast, STIs), pelvic floor tension, or side effects from meds (like SSRIs). You deserve answers—not just a stronger lube.