How do you figure out what actually feels good for you (like without overthinking it), especially if you’ve never really explored much before?

Q: How do you figure out what actually feels good for you (like without overthinking it), especially if you’ve never really explored much before?A: Start by dropping the performance mindset. You’re not auditioning for Pornhub; you’re running a science experiment on your own nervous system. Pick a low-pressure time when you’re not exhausted or rushing. Focus on relaxing first: slow breathing, unclenching your jaw, dropping your shoulders. Then explore from the outside in—thighs, belly, boobs, butt, outer vulva—before going anywhere near your clitoris or inside your vagina.Use curiosity instead of judgment: “Do I like this?” > “Why am I not reacting?” Try different pressures (light/firm), motions (circles, up-down, side-to-side), and rhythms (slow/fast), and notice what makes your body lean in. Your hormones shift across your menstrual cycle, so what feels good on your period might not hit during ovulation. Take notes—mental or literal. Pleasure is a skill, not a personality trait.If you want to talk through what your body’s been doing lately—your cycle, your symptoms, or your “is this normal?” moments—you can always chat with Gush and unpack it in real time.

How to figure out what feels good during masturbation without overthinking

Step one: Stop treating pleasure like a test

You’ve been trained to believe there’s a “right” way to be turned on: moan like this, orgasm in 3 minutes, look hot doing it. That trash lives rent-free in your brain and shows up the second you touch yourself.You’re not broken; you’re conditioned.When you’re exploring self-pleasure, your only job is to gather data:- What makes my body relax?- What makes me tense up?- Where do I feel *any* spark—warmth, tingling, curiosity?No orgasm = still valid data. If your brain is screaming, “Why am I not turned on yet?”, remind yourself: I’m learning, not performing.

Prime your nervous system before touching your vulva

Your body can’t be in “fight-or-flight” and “turned on” at the same time. Overthinking, anxiety, trauma history, school stress—that’s all adrenaline and cortisol running the show.Quick nervous-system reset before you start:- **Breathe 4-6-8**: In for 4, hold 6, out for 8, repeat 5–10 times.- **Unclench**: Jaw, shoulders, belly, pelvic floor (drop your pelvic muscles like you’re peeing).- **Environment**: Dim light, headphones, door locked, phone on DND. Your brain needs to believe you’re safe.If your body still feels like a clenched fist, stay with non-sexual touch first. Pleasure doesn’t have to start at your genitals.

Full-body exploration: Make your whole skin an erogenous zone

Before you go straight for your clit (which for a lot of people is “too much” right away), map the rest of you.Try this:- Start dressed or half-dressed if totally naked feels too vulnerable.- Use your hands, lotion, or oil.- Touch your **arms, chest, belly, thighs, hips, inner knees, neck**.- Play with pressure: feather-light vs. firm, rubbing vs. pressing.Ask yourself as you go:- “What feels neutral?”- “What feels slightly nice?”- “What makes me want more of it?”Follow the “slightly nice.” You’re building a ladder from neutral → good → turned on—no jump cuts.

Getting to know your vulva and clitoris (gently)

Your clitoris isn’t just that tiny nub at the top; it’s a whole structure with legs that wrap around your vaginal opening. Different parts like different things.Try exploring like this:- Use a mirror once, not every time. Just to see what’s where.- Start with **over-the-panties** or through thin fabric if direct touch feels too intense.- Then outside the labia: stroke the outer lips, then the inner lips.- Circle around your clitoral hood (the “hoodie” over the clit), not directly on the tip at first.Play with:- **Motions**: circles, up-down, side-to-side, figure-8.- **Rhythm**: steady and repetitive usually works better than “let’s try 90 things in 30 seconds.”- **Pressure**: many people need more pressure than porn suggests, but build up slowly.

How your menstrual cycle changes what feels good

Your hormones are not background noise—they directly affect arousal, lubrication, and sensitivity.- **Menstrual phase (bleeding)**: Estrogen and progesterone are low. You might feel tired, crampy, or checked out—or weirdly relieved and grounded. Some people like **deep pressure** on their belly or vulva, or masturbation to ease cramps (orgasms increase blood flow and release endorphins).- **Follicular phase (end of period → before ovulation)**: Estrogen rises. Energy and mood often pick up. You might feel more curious and playful. Light, teasing touch can feel better here. You may notice more natural lubrication.- **Ovulation**: Estrogen peaks; a little testosterone also rises. Many people report their **highest sex drive**, more fantasies, and stronger orgasms. The clitoris can feel extra sensitive in a good way. You might enjoy faster or more intense stimulation.- **Luteal phase (after ovulation → before period)**: Progesterone climbs, then drops. Mood swings, bloating, breast tenderness, and irritability are common. Some people feel “don’t touch me,” others want **comfort sex/masturbation**—slow, steady, grounding pressure, maybe more external touch and less intensity.On **birth control**, especially combined pills, your natural rises and falls are flattened. Some people feel more stable; some feel like their libido is MIA. That’s not a moral failing—it’s biochemistry.If anything here doesn’t line up with your experience, or your cycle feels like pure chaos, that’s exactly the kind of thing you can walk through with Gush one-on-one—no shame, just real talk about what your body’s actually doing.

Using fantasy, audio, and imagination without forcing it

You don’t need a perfect mental movie to feel aroused. You also don’t owe your brain a “sexy” thought every second you touch yourself.Options:- **Erotic audio** or guided masturbation tracks- Reading erotic fiction- Remembering a time you felt powerful, wanted, or hot—sexual or notThink of fantasy as seasoning, not the meal. If your mind wanders, that’s normal. Gently come back to physical sensations: temperature, pressure, texture.

Tracking what works (yes, like a nerd)

You track steps, grades, money—your pleasure deserves the same energy.You can jot down after a session:- Where you were in your cycle- How stressed/tired you were- What you tried (positions, strokes, speed, external vs. internal)- What felt good, meh, or off-limitsPatterns will show up:- “I like slower, broader touch during my luteal phase.”- “Fast clit stimulation works best mid-cycle.”- “On-day-one-of-my-period, I just want pressure on my lower belly and boobs.”

When numbness, pain, or “I feel nothing” shows up

This is common and usually fixable, not proof you’re broken.Possible factors:- **Chronic stress/anxiety**: Body in survival mode.- **SSRIs/antidepressants**: Can blunt arousal and orgasm.- **Hormonal birth control**: Can change libido, vaginal lubrication, and clitoral sensitivity.- **Pelvic floor tension**: Tight muscles around the vagina can make touch uncomfortable.- **Past trauma**: Your body’s “nope” might be protective, not random.Seek medical help or a specialist if:- Touch is consistently painful.- You can’t tolerate any vulvar contact.- You have burning, itching, or weird discharge.- Your period is extremely painful or irregular and it’s messing with daily life.A good OB-GYN, pelvic floor therapist, or sex therapist should treat this as a solvable problem, not “just relax.” If they don’t, replace them.Bottom line: You figure out what feels good the same way you figure out anything hard—slow experiments, honest feedback, and zero shame for not “getting it” instantly.